Need someone to kiss on New Year's Eve? Avoid these girls...

With the days so short many NYC men are looking for someone to keep them warm during the long winter nights. Gawker has come out with a list of girls to avoid dating during this holiday season. Before you ask out your favorite bartender/sex blogger/Kirsten Dunst take a look at their list. Or at least the first half, which is the funny one.

Weekend Snapshot

Ah. It's Complicated. Another chance for us to like Alec Baldwin. He's likable, right? Not according to our second installment of subway graffiti art, courtesy of one fair rider of the F train. Feel free to check out this in-depth analysis of a long-forgotten voicemail anytime you are at the 23rd St F train subway stop.

NYiR's 100th post: The Jersey Shore

Okay, let's call a spade a spade. New Jersey is sorta a part of New York City. I mean, it's just as much a suburb as Westchester, only dirtier and no one actually wants to live there. How many times have you run into a friend at a party in Manhattan and you ask what's new and after exhausting every topic under the sun they mutter, "Oh yeah, I moved last week." Where? "New Jersey." Then they launch into a diatribe about how it's not that far and it's just as close a commute as Brooklyn and how you wouldn't believe the space you can get for the money. It's just sad really.

However, there is a bright side. Since New Jersey is sorta part of New York City we can lay claim to the best show since Six Feet Under. Just kidding, that show got pretentious. I digress. The best NYC-based show of 2009 is... (drum roll please) a three way tie between Gossip Girl, NYC Prep, and Jersey Shore. And 30 Rock. I forgot 30 Rock.

The Jersey Shore is a brand new Real World-esque MTV show that takes eight self-professed guidos and guidettes and puts them in a house together on the Jersey shore. They work selling t-shirts to pay rent and drink and work out and show off their abs and then go home and eat ham.

For example, take a look at JWoww (yes, she calls herself JWoww):



And now, for an introduction to the cast of the best thing to happen to Jersey since Springstein:




Taa-daaaaa. Oh, btw, the cast was at Marquee last night. Marquee. Ha.

Museum of Modern Art? More like Museum of Monkey Art

Yes, I realize I made that joke last time I poked fun at MoMa. But this time I mean it. Monkeys really could do some of this stuff. Let's take the piece above. What is it? A slide showing tiny life forms artfully arranged? An open-ended dream catcher meant to signify the uninhibited status of the American dream? A mirror reflecting the viewer's own beauty? No. It's a yogurt cap.

This piece at MoMa, entitled "Yogurt caps," takes up a full room. With four yogurt caps. One on each wall. This is a tribute to the artist's first exhibition in a commercial space in New York City where he showed this piece some fifteen years ago. For years Gabriel Orozco has been praised for the ballsy move of displaying these everyday objects as art for his first major show.

However, it does make me come back to my point about the monkeys. If you happen to own one can you bring it and some weed over and we can get the monkey high? I'll arrange for him to have a major gallery show the next day. I'm 99% sure he would watch Spongebob Squarepants for the first 23 hours then freak out, grab some yogurt from my fridge and say he has a genius idea. Well, a bunch of them, but he's gonna start by displaying yogurt lids on a wall. Then as soon as he leaves we can turn to one another and say, "Man, that monkey was a real douche." Then we'd go to his show and praise his "appetite for risk" just like MoMa did. Looks more like a case of the munchies to me.

Macy's in December

In keeping with the spirit of this holiday season New York is Ridiculous would be remiss in not mentioning the wonder that is Macy's in December. Take a look at the view above. Click on the picture. But in a new window. Don't close us! Go on, click. Wondrous isn't it? You walk in the door and can't help but have Christmas cheer shoved down your throat. What's that? Oh, nevermind. You just can't help but get shoved.

Jean-Paul Sartre once said, "Hell is other people...at Macy's." It's true. Macy's pays off all the major media companies to leave that second part out. But our investigative journalism/coat shopping team discovered this:This is a line. A line for what? The escalator. Not even to check out. To get upstairs. Sometimes that Sartre guy is just right. He should run for mayor of this town after Bloomberg's 12th term. I'd definitely vote for him. Unless I was busy that day. In which case I'd probably forget and go to Macy's to buy a new coat.

OMG! So many Santas!

We know you're not over Santa Con yet so HERE is a super terrific slide show for you courtesy of Time Out NY. Thank you to Victoria Gerstman for sending it in. We have never met Victoria before but hear she's very good-looking.

Weekend Snapshots

If you were anywhere in New York City on Saturday you know that Santa Con was a rousing success. Starting in five locations and converging at different times throughout the city Santas ran amok being lost, calling their ex-girlfriends while drunk, and getting "mad munchies yo" when they drank/smoke too much. Basically all the things the real Santa does.

Then on Sunday you may have been one of the lucky few to catch this random F train. Yes, this is a real-live subway running the tracks of New York City. It first went on the rails in 1931. It has temporarily (?) come out of retirement to take you back to a simpler time when after shave adds included words like "romance" and not random big-busted blonde girls falling into guy's armpits because of their scent (what? we only tried Axe once, we can make fun).

There are gaps in between the cars so you can see the mole people of the tunnels too. Riding this baby feels like a cross between the Tower of Terror ride at Disney and sitting in a movable museum. If you see a green train hop on it.

It's that special time of year again!!!

Trees are being sold on every corner, the homeless man on your block has stuck branches in his hat and pretends to be a reindeer, and there was a half hour of snow. That can only mean one thing: CHRISTMAS TIME!

What better way is there to celebrate the holiday season than to dress up as Santa and drink till you fall down (a chimney)? Some people have been waiting for this opportunity for awhile (hello, Santa at the Met in July pictured above) while some of you may only now be hearing of SANTA CON.

Click on the link to be transported to a magical bar crawl made up only of Santas. But hurry because it's tomorrow! So get out your costume (and make it good) and join hundreds of other Santas for a drunken trip to the North Pole.

Here's suggestions from their website:
Get creative: be a Secret Santa, a Santasaurus, Candy-cane, a Reindeer, a Chanukah Chicken, a goddamn latke, Stewardess Santa, Knight Rider Santa, Crusty Peace Punk Santa, the occasional Legless Reindeer, Chanukah Squirrel, Emo-Elf, or the Santichrist.
Just don't wear your fucking jeans.

They clearly have yet to see my candy cane jeans.

Dick Chicken

Once in a great while New Yorkers will see a tag that stops their mind. Dick Chicken is just such a tag. While primarily located in Williamsburg and Bushwick Dick Chicken is making his way all over the city. A preliminary sketch appeared in Park Slope the other day:

Not his best work, sure. The best of Dick Chicken is not hard to find though. In the "real world" the word on the street is that Dick Chicken is a bouncer at Crash Mansion. He also has a gf called Pussy Ham. Here is a picture of them together:

HOW CUTE!

The Park Slope Co-op (and the new tees)

Does this image strike fear into your heart? Then you are one of the veggie-lovers of South Brooklyn who have fallen into the cycle of terror and panic and squash that is the Park Slope Food Coop. These nazis have taken over the town. Try this: go to google. Now type in "park slope " and look at the first potential search term: PARK SLOPE FOOD COOP.

I attempted to infiltrate their ranks when I first moved here but nooo...they would not have me. Okay, they had me but then I missed a shift working there and then I was suspended and I was all like, "Hellz no I'm not doing a double asking every SloBitch whether their avacados are organic or non-organic because there's a 13 cent difference and the SloBitch is gonna call me on it." Then I was put on alert. Then I felt ashamed of myself and left the coop in disgrace.

If your life partly revolves around salads (ahem, you know who you are) then this is a great place. Who cares that you have to work there once a month? It's worth it for the carrots. However, if you are like me and appreciate the fact that there are 343295 Chinese restaurants within six blocks of your home that you do not have to work at in order to enjoy their food then you may feel that you have other options.

Seriously, can you imagine going to your grocery store and someone saying "Sorry, you can't come in. You're suspended from eating our food." Only in Park Slope. Anyway, some genius has produced shirts to commemorate this horrible feeling of shame that comes from not doing your coop shift. Check them out.

Moishe's self storage: because you just don't have a closet

New York City is the easiest city to navigate; it's so well laid out. It's like our founding fathers knew that someday you would be drunk on W. 23rd and 7th Ave and would have no clue what to do when you had to meet someone who was also drunk and kept yelling, "I'm 6 blocks south! 6 BLOCKS SOUTH!"

However, they were founding fathers. And, as men, they did not have a lot of clothes. They weren't big shoppers. So they didn't need a lot of closet space. Flash forward to present day New York living situations and you are hard pressed to find an apartment that has more than a hall closet. FOR REAL out of towners, this is a fact. No closets in all of NYC.

That means that more and more people are turning to Moishe and his competitors to store their junk in Queens, the Bronx, and even that mythical land of Long Island. I myself just let boxes accumulate around the house but it's my understanding from the 3594372530948 subway ads that every New Yorker except for me looooves storing their belongings far away from home at the low monthly rate of $29/month.

Then again, the only time I've seen the inside of one of these NYC-based storage facilities was on T.V. and that was only when the hero discovers a body. So maybe Moishe is secretly storing bodies for all of New York. I'll just keep mine on the mantle and save myself some money, thanks M.

I don't thing this is fake though...

Happy day after Thanksgiving. I bet you're reading this while still stuffed from yesterday, splayed out on the couch, barely able to summon up the energy to tap the down button on your computer. Did we nail it?

Speaking of nailing it, check out this "fake" MTA twitter site that details all the going-ons of our favorite transportation system.

P.S. In the interest of full disclosure, this post was written days ago. We too predict we will be lazy as f*ck and unable to come up with something clever so we're setting this up in advance. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Boy are we thankful

Zelda the turkey chillaxin' in Battery Park. Photo courtesy of nydailynews.com

What are we thankful for? Let's take a look down Memory Lane...

Our favorite Chinatown delight: turtles

Our favorite bar, featuring super cheap top shelf scotch: Blue & Gold

Our favorite place for an over-priced cocktail: The Box

Our new favorite cigar lounge

Our favorite New York City based TV shows: 30 Rock, NYC Prep and Gossip Girl

Our Jewish brethren and sisteren

Our favorite bagel place, La Bagel Delight, without whom our office would starve

Our favorite dessert to wash down our bagels: cannolis at Veniero's and cupcakes from Magnolia Cupcakes

Our favorite Sunday afternoon activity: The Met

Our favorite after work activity: bocce at Union Hall

and of course, the freak at Coney Island

We're also thankful for you, dear reader, and continue to court guest posts. E-mail us if you want to blog or have a hot tip for us!

NYiR has found its cigar lounge

A man and his cigar lounge is a special relationship, particularly in New York City where you can no longer smoke indoors at most establishments. The mere existence of a cigar lounge thus harkens back to the days of yore when a man can slip on a suit, light up a cigar, and enjoy a scotch in the company of some good jazz.

Unfortunately most cigar lounges in New York City cater to finance douches (there, we said it). Many are based in midtown and descriptions accurately point out that they feel like an "Ivy League alumni club" for the "pinstripe-and-cuff-link variety." Not so at Velvet Cigars, the cigar lounge that New York is Ridiculous now officially endorses. While no dive it is a relaxed lounge where one can enjoy a smoke without feeling pretentious.

First things first: it's not huge. It's tiny actually. And the selection is also tiny. And they don't have alcohol.

So, you may wonder, why would we ever like it? Because of all those things. The size is just big enough for a dozen or fifteen people. It's not the sort of place that is packed so in other words it's not crowded, it's intimate. It's impossible to hang out there for a few hours without naturally meeting another patron who is enjoying a smoke and striking up a conversation.

The cigars are all excellent and are named after different parts of the East Village. I enjoyed an Astor the other day at the great rate of $6 per corona.

As for the alcohol they are a BYO place so we enjoyed good scotch by the bottle while smoking and hanging out. The service was excellent as well.

Velvet Cigars also gets bonus points for being directly across the street from NYiR's favorite bar: Blue & Gold. Velvet Cigars is located at 80 E. 7th between 1st and 2nd Ave. We'll see you there.

Win the lotto, get a neck ache

Starting with Rent, many Broadway shows have taken to offering discount tickets through a student rush, lottery, or will offer some standing room only option (for a full list of shows that feature these options click here).

While it's all nice and good to plan to see a Broadway show most cost upwards of $100 per ticket. Hence the real excitement for many New Yorkers is trying to win the $25 lottery seats. You show up a bit early to the show, fill out a form with your name and how many tickets you want. Then, at the end of a half hour or so, they pull out however many names they have tickets for. The anticipation to see if you win a seat is about 359485 times more exciting than anything you might see on Broadway these days.

We were the first names picked (LUCKY) for Next to Normal which receives three out of four NYiR Landmarks (new rating system). The funny thing is that after winning magical tickets we got the first and supposedly best seats left, right in the front row. The picture above was taken from these seats and I bet you crane your neck just to look at it.

I hear this is pretty typical for Student Rush and lottery. Cons: neck ache. Pros: the amount of actor spit you get to take home as a souvenir. Plus the rush that comes with wondering if something might fall off the stage and into your lap. Like an actor.

Toys 'R Us: Where a 27 year old can be a kid

I know, NYiR fans, that Statue of Liberty didn't used to have a screen behind it. But guess what? IT'S NOT REAL! IT'S MADE OF LEGOS! Yeah, isn't that a mind freak. But there you go, welcome to the Toys 'R Us in Times Square.

Ok, it's not all LEGOs, although you have to admit the Apollo theater next to the Flatiron is pretty awesome. Wander into this fabulous land and you'll realize that A) it's not just for kids and B) toys are SO much cooler than when you were a young 'in. I highly recommend the ferris wheel:Yeah, that's Superman in the background. We're like, BFFs now. I totally helped him catch that truck. It's a good thing too considering it was merely minutes later when my girlfriend was attacked by this dinosaur in the Jurassic Park area:
It came to life and roared and moved around and it was awesome. The only not awesome part of the whole thing? This douchebag who, just because he's on all the logos, thinks he owns the place:
Geez, Geoffrey the Giraffe, were you too busy to attend the personal space seminar during employee orientation? Or is it that you're too cool for skool because your face is on all the merchandise? Somebody call security, this giraffe is a creep!

The Times Square Toys 'R Us also features a Candy Land and a booth that you can take a picture and have them photoshop you into your own puzzle. All very worth the trip and the crowds, so long as you don't have to share an elevator with that giraffe. He'd probably push his own button, look straight at you without asking to push your's, then immediately get on his cell phone to Mickey Mouse about something stupid he did at a party last night. No one cares how SHWASTED you were. Dumb giraffe.

Times Square Week

Times Square: the center of the universe. This week we'll explore many facets of this remarkable area of New York City. One thing that makes it ridiculous is that no New Yorker ever wants to go there. It's a tourist mecca that has been over-run by some really amazing in-your-face folks (even more so than the YOGs and YOBs of Park Slope!). For example:

The comedy club guy
For some reason these guys are everywhere in Times Square asking you if you like to laugh, waving brochures in your face, and trying to be funny. My favorite is this one guys who just goes, "HAHAHA. HAHAHA. COMEDY CLUB." Simple, to the point, I like it. I'd see his act.

A few years ago my girlfriend was accosted by one of these people. When he asked her, "Do you like to laugh?" she tried to avoid him. He went all Michael Richards and was like, "No I don't think you DO like to laugh. You probably just like to sit at home in the dark and watch sad movies and cry." I'd see his act too.

The tour bus guy
No I don't want to see where Miranda and Carrie had drinks during the Sex and the City movie.

The demo guy
This is the one guy I usually find charming. He'll start off with a "you like hip-hop?" and when you even remotely look at him he gives you his demo for $5. Usually in that order where the demo is in your hand before you even know you're buying it. This can be annoying but some of these CDs are real gems.

When I was still a teenager I came across "Lucky" Logan P. McCoy who sold me on his CD which featured such songs as "I've got a crush!" and "I like you." Those were some hardcore jams about respecting women and handing out CDs on the streets. Thank you Lucky Logan for introducing me to hip-hop.

I was gone but now I'm back

Dear Fan (singular),

So sorry I was gone this week but I had to cover all of the ridiculous things in Halifax, Nova Scotia (Canada you idjit). After hours of in-depth research I found the best and most important news article this week from Halifax and have displayed it above. No joke, this gem is from the front page of the local paper. You're welcome and I promise there will be lots and lots of New York City ridiculous things posted this week.

Yours,

Lodro

Just don't call me a doodle dandy. Because I don't know what that is

Ok so we're not big sports fans here at New York is Ridiculous but it's hard to ignore the 4293457328097 people who are, or at least are when the Yankees win the World Series. Because they line the streets like whoa.

From Yahoo:
Commerce has pretty much shut down in Lower Manhattan today. Hundreds of thousands of members of the work force are showering ticker tape and toilet paper from their high-rise office windows all over the Yankees as the World Series champions and their families inch up Broadway from the U.S. Customs House on Battery Place to City Hall Park.

That's right! Let's throw toilet paper at people. But in a good way. Because we don't remember anything about all that juicing stuff that was in the news right? Honestly, some of us here at NYiR own juicers and can attest that homemade juices are delicious. I'm not sure why people are normally so down on the Yankees for that sort of thing but we're glad they're showing some love today. We love you Yanks!

For live coverage of the Yankee Parade click here.

photo courtesy of Ruby Washington for The New York Times

Who Shot Rock and Roll? Probs these kids

We must make a sudden departure from our The Met is Ridiculous series due to the really neato exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum. New York is Ridiculous attended the opening primarily to hear their surprise act, BLONDIE (I know, right? Yes, yes, they still rock even though they're in their fifties). The real surprise of the night was just how good the photo exhibit was. From their website:

The exhibition is in six sections: rare and revealing images taken behind the scenes; tender snapshots of young musicians at the beginnings of their careers; exhilarating photographs of live performances that display the energy, passion, style, and sex appeal of the band on stage; powerful images of the crowds and fans that are often evocative of historic paintings; portraits revealing the soul and creativity, rather than the surface and celebrity, of the musicians; and conceptual images and album covers highlighting the collaborative efforts between the image makers and the musicians.

The magic comes from just how intimate these photographers were with their subjects. You can see Kurt Cobain in tears slumped backstage after a particularly emotional set, Jay Z and P. Diddy texting side by side, or Buddy Holly just spacing out on his bus after a show. You really ought to go see this show. The suggested contribution is $10 (take THAT Met).

NYiR recommends you go to Rock Out on November 7th. On the early side there's some indie rock groups from the 'hood, a meet and greet with the curator, a showing of Purple Rain and then after 9 pm DJ Evil Dee will spin a bunch of the artists who's photos are being shown including Michael Jackson, Jimi Hendrix, James Brown, Chuck Berry, and Jay-Z.

photo by Barry Feinstein (American, born 1931). Bob Dylan with Kids, Liverpool, England, 1966 (printed 2009). Gelatin silver print. Courtesy Barry Feinstein

A special message for everyone who attended the Golden Age Halloween Party last Saturday

OMG! You remember when that girl did that thing? And her costume was all "Uh oh!" and then the DJ put on that awesome song and everyone did that dance while that guy was all like "Whoooaaa" and those two people dressed as Calvin and Hobbes were doing body shots while making out with that crew dressed as the entire cast of Cheers and they were like, "Say whaat?" and then everything collided and form an explosion of awesome? Yeah. That was cool.

Thanks for coming.

Look even my costume is disgusted with me!

Halloween in New York City is scary! Not because of the decorations or the haunted houses but because for one night only people think it's Mardi Gras. Check out the delightful costume pictured above from last year's Halloween parade.

The best part? YOU CAN BE HER THIS YEAR! That's right folks, click here to find out where you show up naked with owl boobs and jump in. This is perfect for everyone who has ever wanted to be in a parade but has done nothing with their life. Which is the entire NYiR staff. We should probably go.

J/k! We're gonna be at our awesome Halloween party. Are you gonna come? Yeah? Smart move. You should RSVP.

You like other New York fan blogs better? That's a deal breaker

Deal Breaker - watch more funny videos

First thing's first: 30 Rock is funny and based in New York City. Which means we love it.

The "deal breaker" clip featured above was a big thing last season and sparked a new fun site dealbreaker.tumblr.com which spawned this little gem about getting your penis grabbed while riding the subway. Check it.

Also, whatcha think of the new background and colors? Really brightens up your day doesn't it?

Marshmallow Civil War

It's exactly what it sounds like. This Saturday in DUMBO there will be a "reenactment...of questionable accuracy." Click here for more info.

Yeah, this is normal

A while back New York is Ridiculous posted a ground-breaking story about a flying fish subway art piece. To prove that the subway system is curated by one-year-olds I'd like to point out this totally normal scene that you would find any day on Christopher St.

Here we have a pimp with two Amish prostitutes (three if you count the pidgeon) and a brothel owner that specializes in trolls.

This mural is one of three featured at the Christopher St. subway stop entitled "The Greenwich Village murals." The artist, Lee Brozgol, led students at PS 41 in making this mural which apparently is about "Providers." So, in other words some androgynously named Lee thought it was a good idea to force kids to depict pimps lording over their peers and call it art. Thanks Lee Brozgol for teaching the kids of New York City that pimps can still bring home the bacon, so long as these kids keep selling themselves into their service.

To read a more biased yet official position on these murals click here.

Awesome Halloween costume swappage

Next Saturday Trophy Bar (look! so underground they have a blog instead of a website!) is hosting a Halloween costume swap. That's right folks, bring your inappropriate Steve Irwin costume and you can trade it in for an equally inappropriate Michael Jackson costume.

So head over to Trophy Bar to meet with their professional “costume consultants,” drink creepy-themed drinks, and shake your groove thang. As they so aptly put it, "why spend money on slutty cop outfits when you can spend it on alcohol instead? Hello, it’s a no-brainer. Mmmmmm BRAIIIINS."

For more info and to RSVP click here. I think you have to RSVP to make sure you'll get in. Not unlike that AWESOME HALLOWEEN PARTY WE'RE THROWING.

The Lighting District

When you tell someone you live in New York City there are two possible options:
1) They don't live in New York. In this case they say, "Oh, where abouts?" and you can say, "Brooklyn" and they will say "Ah! How quaint."
2) They live in New York. In this case they will say "Where?" and you will have to tell them the borough, neighborhood, street address, and notable restaurants that are nearby.

For example if you met someone new at a bar in Manhattan and they asked you where you lived you would say: Brooklyn. "Where abouts in Brooklyn?" Fort Greene. "Where in Fort Greene." N. Oxford. "Oh, you mean S. Oxford." No, no. N. Oxford. "What's that near?" An awesome Halloween party. Then, "Ah! How quaint. My sister lived in Fort Greene 20 years ago." Then you talk about that.

However, out of all of the many neighborhoods and sub-neighborhoods and streets and districts one can be deemed more ridiculous than all the others in New York: The Lighting District.

For those of you who are not from New York, this is not a red light district. No, this is a district devoted to lighting. Light bulbs, light fixtures, light switches, and those light paper lanterns that you see at Urban Outfitters.

It was formerly a chunk of Manhattan. Over time this whole internet shopping thing has caught on and that, matched with greedy developers trying to ruin quaint neighborhoods (see? I do it too) has led to a downturn in the lighting fixture industry's presence in the city. The lighting district is now only Bowery St. between Grand and Broome.

If you do live in New York City you may have stumbled across it as it's inches from all the bars and clubs of the Lower East Side. You may not have realized at all and, in your drunken stupor, thought the Lighthouse a nautical themed club. No, it sells chandeliers.

If you do happen to stumble across the lighting district please buy a light bulb in order to keep these places in business. Preserve historical/ridiculous New York! Or something.

BREAKING NEWS: Another ridiculous thing - a lady gave birth on the L train today. Click here for the story.

NYiR is Mad for Chicken

Marina of Italian STD clinic Venerio's fame turned me on to Mad for Chicken's Murray Hill location. Formerly known as Bon-Chon this place is a secret jewel in the midst of NYC souvenir shops.

Look for 314 5th Avenue and you'll find what appears to be an apartment building. Walk to the back of the lobby and up a flight of stairs and you'll magically enter this darkly-lit Korean restaurant that serves the best fried chicken in the city. That's right, New York is Ridiculous has finally (finally!) weighed in on the best fried chicken and it exists at Mad for Chicken.

Marina and I split the soy garlic sauce chicken dinner, which was 16 pieces for $23. A bit pricey for wings but exquisite. We also got the 2-liter container of beer pictured above. Both appeared within minutes and were delicious. I have to admit I wasn't in a beer-drinking mood until I saw the aquarium-esque equipment that surrounded the experience. It's like drinking refreshing beer from a lava lamp.

Mad for Chicken is a great date place. If you're both beer-loving chicken-wing eating dudes (NYiR officially recognizes that men AND women can be dudes who love chicken and beer).

Weekend Snapshot leads to next G &S Award

Spotted rolling through traffic on W. 23rd and 6th Ave at 4:00 pm on a Sunday. Ladies and gentlemen, there was no rhyme, no reason for this occurrence. They were not advertising something. They did not ask for money. They wanted nothing other than to ride that bike and dance on that pole.
This dynamic duo embodies the ridiculous spirit of New York City. As such NYiR is proud to make this anonymous duo the second recipients of our Gentleman and Socialite Award. Congratulations!

If anyone knows who these people are please forward this to them - we want to give them our G&S trophy. And book them for our Halloween bash.

NYiR throws Golden Age Halloween Party

That's right! The big announcement alluded to yesterday is that we're throwing the best and biggest Halloween jam of all time ever.

When: October 31st 9:00 PM - 3:00 AM
Where: 15 N. Oxford (between Flushing and Park Ave) Fort Greene, Brooklyn 11205

What:

• open bar all night long serving beer, wine, champagne, and vodka
  
• large awesome decked out Halloween wonderland
  
• 2 great DJs playing everything from hip hop to 80s + 90s jams and on and on
  
• costume contest
• photobooth
  
• magic by Jeff Grow (check his video!)
  
• great people and times

It's $25 if you pre-pay on the site below, $30 at the door. So bring your friends and partners and friends' partners and that cute guy with the lazy eye who you're sorta embarrassed about dating but figure he'll fit right in 'cause it's Halloween.

Bring 'em all but please RSVP because we wanna know that you're coming. Oh, and you have to be 21 or over of course there's a bar sillyhead.

Check the invite video below:

For more info on the Golden Age Halloween Party or to buy your tickets click here. All RSVPs should go to GoldenAgeParty@gmail.com. We look forward to seeing you there!

This YOB has a big announcement...

...he's gonna be a real boy soon! Devoted readers will recall our write up of Young Orthodox Girls (YOGs). Here we have a real live Young Orthodox Boy! I was on my phone when he asked me if I was Jewish (he was asking everyone. he's more desperate than a YOG) and when I replied with an affirming nod he began talking my ear off. The conversation went something like this:

Lodro leaving a voice message: Hey, I was just wondering what you're up to tonight...
YOB: Wanna do a prayer with me?
Lodro: ...I'm on my way to the gym and...
YOB: Hey! It only takes ten seconds!
Lodro: ...I think after I'll be pretty hungry so I was thinking...
YOB: I'm gonna walk with you. Then when you're done we can do it together!
Lodro: ...that maybe we could do Chinese, or Japanese, or something...
YOB now climbing on my back and hitting me with the lulav: I can't wait to get you more Jewish!

That's basically how it went. I left a long voicemail, he had the attention span of a 12 1/2 year old boy, and then he found a SloBitch to harrass instead (pictured above mistaking the lulav for corn and asking if it's organic/from the Park Slope Coop).

Anyway, the real boy comment is not the actual announcement. The real announcement from NYiR will be released tomorrow. It's big. Real big. So lose sleep wondering over it ok? Thanks!

Out of the Frying Pan and into the water

I know many New York is Ridiculous fans wonder where we keep our super secret office. Well, we won't tell you. But we do have all of our official staff meetings at the Frying Pan (as pictured above). Located at W 26th St & the West Side Highway it's a bar...but on a BOAT! Yes, T-Pain is all about that isht. BTdubs have you seen this new I am T-Pain iPhone app? That is ridiculous too.

I digress. We meet ON A BOAT! I got flippy floppies something something you're straight up making copies. That's what life is like on the Frying Pan now. Beers, burgers, lots of seating, motion sickness, more beer, and some dancing on the early side of the night. It wasn't always a place to party though. It used to be an active lightship. You can even read testimonials (whatever happened to friendster?) about what it was like back in the Great Depression. Check out this pic from a major crash that occurred in 1935:
It doesn't look like that now. Now it's in color. So check out the Frying Pan the next time you want to sit out on the water, split a bucket of beer with some friends, and have a good time. We'll see you there.

P.S. How good is Meatloaf's Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire?

La Bagel Delight...because using the masculine "el" would be incorrect spanish

Let's forget for a moment that there is absolutely no reason for the "la" on the title of this place to exist and focus on how wonderful the bagels are. I'm not going to say they're the best bagels in New York City (for fear of bagel snobs stoning me with three-day old sesames) but they are certainly awesome. There's five locations (122 Seventh Avenue,284 Seventh Avenue, 90 Court Street, 104 Front Street and 73 Lafayette Avenue). That's right observant fans, two of those La Bagel Delights are on my street. I go to both. They are both awesome.

While the bagels are all fine and good it's the employees that make this place a favorite spot. You walk up to pay and the cashier goes, "Want my cat?" And someone from across the store will run over and say, "You don't want her cat, man; it's ugly. It's an ugly cat." Then each employee will come out of some hiding spot to weigh in about whether or not you should adopt this woman's cat while you quietly chuckle with your five dollar bill held out as if asking for mercy.

DUMBO is DUMB

It's because of stuff like this that Peter Pan left New York City.

Little branch has big flavor

"Recalling certain gentlemen of other days, who made of drinking one of the pleasures of life - not one of its evils; and who whatever they drank, proved able to carry it, keep their heads, and remain gentlemen, even in their cups. Their example is commended to their posterity." - abridged from The Old Waldorf Astoria Bar Book by A.S. Crockett

The above is the bulk of the text from the menu at NYiR's favorite fancy cocktail bar, Little Branch. Nice website right? It matches the other eye-catching aspects of this look-at-me bar. Namely, there's no sign (just a plaque that looks like it belongs outside your dentist) and that it's just a black door on a random street corner (featured above). If you can find it though you descend into a cozy, upscale parlor with sometimes live sometimes good old recordings of jazz and the best cocktails in Manhattan.

The bartenders are impeccably dressed and are excellent at what they do. Avoid the menu and just play Mad Libs. For example, "Hello there [name of impeccably dressed individual]. I would like to order a [liqour] based cocktail that features [your favorite color, season, sports team, whatever you want]." They will nod and a few minutes later produce heaven in a glass. I went for scotch and "something minty or spring-like" the other night and received a scotch-ade which was a mint, cucumber, scotch concoction that would best be served on a cool day in May.

I admit that the deliciousness comes at a price. $12. But it's the sort of alcoholic beverage that is worth $12. I recommend going here before going out for a night, on the early side, with a small number of people or just one friend. It's that cozy and precious. Like you. And Knut the polar bear.

Weekend Snapshot

Thanks to Patrick Groneman for taking this snapshot of a sign that probably could be on any piece of realty anywhere in New York City. I bet the realtor still charges a 342598495% fee for this place.

Good shot Patrick Groneman! We remember when you were just a Patrick Growingupboy.

It sounds like White Castle and it's equally magical

Dear Queens,

Sorry we ignore you so often on this blog. But let's face it, until recently all you had was the Beer Garden and even that was so-so. However, now that you're home to Spa Castle we will never ignore you again. We will visit you allll the time. Because Spa Castle is awesome. So now we'll blog about you again soon, promise. With our fingers crossed.

Sincerely,
NYiR


Yes it is far away. It's at the end of the 7 line on the subway. And then you walk for a bit. Then a shuttle bus picks you up and you begin to wonder if you are being taken to where the sidewalk ends. Right when you're about to hit that point you turn a corner and your heart starts racing like a kid going to somewhere kids love going to (candy stores? do kids still like candy?). You have arrived at Spa Castle. You check in and get a watch that you can now scan in exchange for food, a massage, a foot rub, whatever. So easy!

Then comes a bit of a scary part: the locker room. I guess Queens is a very liberated land because people looooove walking around with their parts out. There was one guy that was there the other day who was showing off his Bigfoot hairy body when I arrived. When I was done for the day he was still there walking around with that thing just hanging out. Put on a towel man! You look like Harry from Harry and the Hendersons! However, here's the nice addition to the locker room:

Not bad right? They have these heated pools on both the men's and the women's side.

Ok, now you've braved Chewbacca and had a quiet dip in the pool. Head upstairs for the steam room and sauna level:

Nice right? Much nicer than any other steam rooms I've been in while living in New York City. Check out this light therapy steam room:
Yeah that's some Dark Side of the Moon shit right there. So you've been sweating a lot, why not head to the next floor for some pool time? You walk up and then the most magical part of the whole experience arises:
Start with the hinoki tub. It's jets will get you all relaxed before you go into the bade pool (listen, I didn't name this stuff, "bade" is clearly "hit you with water real hard" in Korean). Each little nook of these pools has touch activated jets that will come on and shoot directly into a different part of your body. One nook is designed to shoot jets that massage your feet and legs, another your back, another your neck and shoulders. A personal favorite is the one that you stand under and it just shoots water onto your head like a waterfall.

At the end of your pool time make sure you grab some of their delicious food. Man, I'm getting antsy and hungry just thinking about all this. F it, I'm going there now. See you all next week. I'm gonna chill with Chewbacca in the hot tub now.