Moishe's self storage: because you just don't have a closet

New York City is the easiest city to navigate; it's so well laid out. It's like our founding fathers knew that someday you would be drunk on W. 23rd and 7th Ave and would have no clue what to do when you had to meet someone who was also drunk and kept yelling, "I'm 6 blocks south! 6 BLOCKS SOUTH!"

However, they were founding fathers. And, as men, they did not have a lot of clothes. They weren't big shoppers. So they didn't need a lot of closet space. Flash forward to present day New York living situations and you are hard pressed to find an apartment that has more than a hall closet. FOR REAL out of towners, this is a fact. No closets in all of NYC.

That means that more and more people are turning to Moishe and his competitors to store their junk in Queens, the Bronx, and even that mythical land of Long Island. I myself just let boxes accumulate around the house but it's my understanding from the 3594372530948 subway ads that every New Yorker except for me looooves storing their belongings far away from home at the low monthly rate of $29/month.

Then again, the only time I've seen the inside of one of these NYC-based storage facilities was on T.V. and that was only when the hero discovers a body. So maybe Moishe is secretly storing bodies for all of New York. I'll just keep mine on the mantle and save myself some money, thanks M.

It sounds like White Castle and it's equally magical

Dear Queens,

Sorry we ignore you so often on this blog. But let's face it, until recently all you had was the Beer Garden and even that was so-so. However, now that you're home to Spa Castle we will never ignore you again. We will visit you allll the time. Because Spa Castle is awesome. So now we'll blog about you again soon, promise. With our fingers crossed.

Sincerely,
NYiR


Yes it is far away. It's at the end of the 7 line on the subway. And then you walk for a bit. Then a shuttle bus picks you up and you begin to wonder if you are being taken to where the sidewalk ends. Right when you're about to hit that point you turn a corner and your heart starts racing like a kid going to somewhere kids love going to (candy stores? do kids still like candy?). You have arrived at Spa Castle. You check in and get a watch that you can now scan in exchange for food, a massage, a foot rub, whatever. So easy!

Then comes a bit of a scary part: the locker room. I guess Queens is a very liberated land because people looooove walking around with their parts out. There was one guy that was there the other day who was showing off his Bigfoot hairy body when I arrived. When I was done for the day he was still there walking around with that thing just hanging out. Put on a towel man! You look like Harry from Harry and the Hendersons! However, here's the nice addition to the locker room:

Not bad right? They have these heated pools on both the men's and the women's side.

Ok, now you've braved Chewbacca and had a quiet dip in the pool. Head upstairs for the steam room and sauna level:

Nice right? Much nicer than any other steam rooms I've been in while living in New York City. Check out this light therapy steam room:
Yeah that's some Dark Side of the Moon shit right there. So you've been sweating a lot, why not head to the next floor for some pool time? You walk up and then the most magical part of the whole experience arises:
Start with the hinoki tub. It's jets will get you all relaxed before you go into the bade pool (listen, I didn't name this stuff, "bade" is clearly "hit you with water real hard" in Korean). Each little nook of these pools has touch activated jets that will come on and shoot directly into a different part of your body. One nook is designed to shoot jets that massage your feet and legs, another your back, another your neck and shoulders. A personal favorite is the one that you stand under and it just shoots water onto your head like a waterfall.

At the end of your pool time make sure you grab some of their delicious food. Man, I'm getting antsy and hungry just thinking about all this. F it, I'm going there now. See you all next week. I'm gonna chill with Chewbacca in the hot tub now.