Showing posts with label long island. Show all posts
Showing posts with label long island. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Moishe's self storage: because you just don't have a closet

New York City is the easiest city to navigate; it's so well laid out. It's like our founding fathers knew that someday you would be drunk on W. 23rd and 7th Ave and would have no clue what to do when you had to meet someone who was also drunk and kept yelling, "I'm 6 blocks south! 6 BLOCKS SOUTH!"

However, they were founding fathers. And, as men, they did not have a lot of clothes. They weren't big shoppers. So they didn't need a lot of closet space. Flash forward to present day New York living situations and you are hard pressed to find an apartment that has more than a hall closet. FOR REAL out of towners, this is a fact. No closets in all of NYC.

That means that more and more people are turning to Moishe and his competitors to store their junk in Queens, the Bronx, and even that mythical land of Long Island. I myself just let boxes accumulate around the house but it's my understanding from the 3594372530948 subway ads that every New Yorker except for me looooves storing their belongings far away from home at the low monthly rate of $29/month.

Then again, the only time I've seen the inside of one of these NYC-based storage facilities was on T.V. and that was only when the hero discovers a body. So maybe Moishe is secretly storing bodies for all of New York. I'll just keep mine on the mantle and save myself some money, thanks M.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Ian


Ladies and gentleman and more ladies I am pleased to announce that Ian has graciously joined the prestigious ranks of authors of this blog. You may recognize him from such posts as following the bouncy dolphin

and Long Island. Please join me in warmly welcoming him.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Long Island

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Long Island Wants to Secede
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorJason Jones in Iran


Big news: Long Island finally wants to succeed at something. Wait, what's that? Oh, they want to secede. Well, that's big news too.

Now I have to admit as a newbie in New York City I haven't entirely pieced together what Long Island is. I think part of it exists at Libation, part of it exists in Italian men in a super tight v-necks, and the rests exists in a land of ridicule created by New Yorkers. Is that right? According to the video above though they seem to be the dicks of NYC and want to beat up New Jersey or Ireland, whichever is closer.

I don't have many Italian man friends in super tight v-necks so in order to explore Long Island I went to Libation one night with my friend Ian (hi Ian! thanks for taking care of my dog!). We met some young ladies who admitted to being "bridge and tunnel" girls. At first I thought that was a sexual thing but since they were all 24 and married I assumed it refers to their eating habits or something.

I'll leave you with a koan: why is Long Island undesirable to live in yet a desirable location to vacation? Someone has to explain that to me. I just don't get you Long Island. Good luck on secession, assuming you exist.
 

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