NYiR's 100th post: The Jersey Shore

Okay, let's call a spade a spade. New Jersey is sorta a part of New York City. I mean, it's just as much a suburb as Westchester, only dirtier and no one actually wants to live there. How many times have you run into a friend at a party in Manhattan and you ask what's new and after exhausting every topic under the sun they mutter, "Oh yeah, I moved last week." Where? "New Jersey." Then they launch into a diatribe about how it's not that far and it's just as close a commute as Brooklyn and how you wouldn't believe the space you can get for the money. It's just sad really.

However, there is a bright side. Since New Jersey is sorta part of New York City we can lay claim to the best show since Six Feet Under. Just kidding, that show got pretentious. I digress. The best NYC-based show of 2009 is... (drum roll please) a three way tie between Gossip Girl, NYC Prep, and Jersey Shore. And 30 Rock. I forgot 30 Rock.

The Jersey Shore is a brand new Real World-esque MTV show that takes eight self-professed guidos and guidettes and puts them in a house together on the Jersey shore. They work selling t-shirts to pay rent and drink and work out and show off their abs and then go home and eat ham.

For example, take a look at JWoww (yes, she calls herself JWoww):



And now, for an introduction to the cast of the best thing to happen to Jersey since Springstein:




Taa-daaaaa. Oh, btw, the cast was at Marquee last night. Marquee. Ha.

Shoot the Freak at Coney Island

I just went to Coney Island for the first time last weekend which, as far as I can tell, is the Capitol of Ridiculous within the great state of New York City. You can experience Mets-league baseball, about-to-set-fire-to-the-wharf-fireworks, omg-i-am-sure-this-will-break-and-i-will-die-rides, and then you're walking along and all of a sudden someone yells at you, "Hey there ya freak in the blue shirt. With that freak of a girl. Ya you. Come shoot the freak you freak" and you turn around and there's this gentleman running around with a shield and a helmet like he's the last kid in dodge ball and he's alergic to styrofoam.

I'm not sure what makes this young man a freak. He seems like a normal "real live human" to me but maybe he's got a second head or lives with his mom in Jersey or something. What do you think makes someone want to be "the freak?" Was this a childhood ambition? Or is this poor man just trying to put himself through med school? In any case you can shoot him with paintballs very cheaply while someone yells at you to aim for his head. Watch as our frequent-posting author Ian Bascetta demonstrates:Ian suffered through 'Nam and when he ran out of paintballs he just went berserk, screamed, and started shooting air at the man. That freak freaked the f out and ran for it.

To see an in-depth report and watch the freak get shot click here.

Ian

Ladies and gentleman and more ladies I am pleased to announce that Ian has graciously joined the prestigious ranks of authors of this blog. You may recognize him from such posts as following the bouncy dolphin

and Long Island. Please join me in warmly welcoming him.

Long Island

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Long Island Wants to Secede
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Jason Jones in Iran

Big news: Long Island finally wants to succeed at something. Wait, what's that? Oh, they want to secede. Well, that's big news too.

Now I have to admit as a newbie in New York City I haven't entirely pieced together what Long Island is. I think part of it exists at Libation, part of it exists in Italian men in a super tight v-necks, and the rests exists in a land of ridicule created by New Yorkers. Is that right? According to the video above though they seem to be the dicks of NYC and want to beat up New Jersey or Ireland, whichever is closer.

I don't have many Italian man friends in super tight v-necks so in order to explore Long Island I went to Libation one night with my friend Ian (hi Ian! thanks for taking care of my dog!). We met some young ladies who admitted to being "bridge and tunnel" girls. At first I thought that was a sexual thing but since they were all 24 and married I assumed it refers to their eating habits or something.

I'll leave you with a koan: why is Long Island undesirable to live in yet a desirable location to vacation? Someone has to explain that to me. I just don't get you Long Island. Good luck on secession, assuming you exist.