Shoot the Freak at Coney Island

I just went to Coney Island for the first time last weekend which, as far as I can tell, is the Capitol of Ridiculous within the great state of New York City. You can experience Mets-league baseball, about-to-set-fire-to-the-wharf-fireworks, omg-i-am-sure-this-will-break-and-i-will-die-rides, and then you're walking along and all of a sudden someone yells at you, "Hey there ya freak in the blue shirt. With that freak of a girl. Ya you. Come shoot the freak you freak" and you turn around and there's this gentleman running around with a shield and a helmet like he's the last kid in dodge ball and he's alergic to styrofoam.

I'm not sure what makes this young man a freak. He seems like a normal "real live human" to me but maybe he's got a second head or lives with his mom in Jersey or something. What do you think makes someone want to be "the freak?" Was this a childhood ambition? Or is this poor man just trying to put himself through med school? In any case you can shoot him with paintballs very cheaply while someone yells at you to aim for his head. Watch as our frequent-posting author Ian Bascetta demonstrates:Ian suffered through 'Nam and when he ran out of paintballs he just went berserk, screamed, and started shooting air at the man. That freak freaked the f out and ran for it.

To see an in-depth report and watch the freak get shot click here.

Michael Jackson Tributes

It is indeed a time for the great city of New York to mourn. First off who doesn't love Farrah Fawcett? Bachelor number two does. He wants to make love the national past-time! And then there is the death of Michael Jackson. Oh MJ. Oh oh oh MJ. This is indeed a national tragedy.

However, Michael Jackson lives on in New York City. For one, beginning yesterday at 4:00 PM you couldn't walk down the street without some car blaring "Billie Jean." Also, if you gather a large enough crowd and attempt to invoke him he will come to you, take over your body, and make you dance. As is witnessed at the gathering outside the Apollo last night (1:20 into the video above).

Last but not least, while the Flying Man may have been the big hit of last summer NYiR predicts that in 2009 the summer dance will be..........the moonwalk. Yes, it is coming back. You will see it at all the clubs and your friend will turn to you and you will catch his eye and shake your head and he will say "It was too soon" and you will both think "Well, maybe before all those pedophile rumors would have been better" and then you will respond, "Yeah. Too too soon."

Goodbye MJ. New York loves you.

This guy

This guy...he was in Union Square. So...wow. Here, take a closer look:


I mean, sure, be a panda. Cool. Be unusually short. That's your thing. But why the gloves? Are your hands really that big? Can you not grip bamboo with your normal paws? Anyone have a clue as to what this guy is about? Anyone? Anyone?