I see London, I see France, I see NYC's underpants

Ah. Once in a blue moon we get a hot tip on something that reminds us just how ridiculous New York can be. Remember how we told you that it's perfectly legal to be topless in NYC? Well now it's time to go bottomless. This Sunday you are invited to participate in Improv Everywhere's 9th annual No Pants! Subway Ride. Check the video above, go buy some new undies, and we'll see you on the train.

Anna Wintour will run for mayor

Over 700 clothing stores, designers, and hot dog vendors stayed open late last Thursday to celebrate Fashions Night Out, a new brainstorm from the lady who secretly runs this city, Fro Yo. Oh, sorry, I mean Anna Wintour. Most to all of these stores had free alcoholic treats for fashion-lovers and mooches such as myself. Because of the free booze and super mega sales it attracted massive crowds (see my official Fashions Night Out pic above).

According to the NY Daily Post good ol' Anna Wintour had Cynthia Rowley making jell-o shots and Oscar de la Renta singing to crowds in his own store all because she has Mayor Bloomberg by the balls. While he wanted to say "no" to this take over the city event he knew he would be run out of NYC. By me. Because I love going door to door like a 26-year-old trick-or-treater getting free booze. While waiting for the tardy twelve-term mayor Wintour was overhead saying, "“If he doesn't show, Diane [von Furstenberg] and I will run for mayor on a joint ticket and take over the city.”

If that means people getting all decked out in fashion's finest and turning all clothing stores into free champagne-flooded clubs she has NYiR's official endorsement.

In other news I'm on vacay so don't be bummed if I don't post 32534957 times this week. I'll be back next week. See you after I climb Mt. Awesome and ask the old man at the top why New York is so ridic. He'll probs be like, "Cause your blog reports it and thus it becomes reality" or some shiz.

Shoot the Freak at Coney Island

I just went to Coney Island for the first time last weekend which, as far as I can tell, is the Capitol of Ridiculous within the great state of New York City. You can experience Mets-league baseball, about-to-set-fire-to-the-wharf-fireworks, omg-i-am-sure-this-will-break-and-i-will-die-rides, and then you're walking along and all of a sudden someone yells at you, "Hey there ya freak in the blue shirt. With that freak of a girl. Ya you. Come shoot the freak you freak" and you turn around and there's this gentleman running around with a shield and a helmet like he's the last kid in dodge ball and he's alergic to styrofoam.

I'm not sure what makes this young man a freak. He seems like a normal "real live human" to me but maybe he's got a second head or lives with his mom in Jersey or something. What do you think makes someone want to be "the freak?" Was this a childhood ambition? Or is this poor man just trying to put himself through med school? In any case you can shoot him with paintballs very cheaply while someone yells at you to aim for his head. Watch as our frequent-posting author Ian Bascetta demonstrates:Ian suffered through 'Nam and when he ran out of paintballs he just went berserk, screamed, and started shooting air at the man. That freak freaked the f out and ran for it.

To see an in-depth report and watch the freak get shot click here.

Union Hall Bocce League

As you can see above the authors of this blog (Ian and Lodro) take bocce ball at Union Hall very seriously. Seriously for us though means that it holds our attention for twenty minutes and then we get distracted and go to Chuck E. Cheese or something equally catering to our ADHD dynamic. However, the bocce ball league games get pretty intense at Union Hall and some people take it seriously for real.

Once a week we all gather and throw our blue balls near the white ball and get points and high five one another and pretend that we are participating in a real sports league. We sometimes even get out the tape measure in order to see whose ball is closest to what. Does that sound vaguely sexual? I can't even tell anymore. Because as co-team captain of LETHAL ELEGANCE (don't like the name? then suggest something) I have to take this game as seriously as is expected of me. Here, look:

No, not at the pretty girl (hi Lora! thanks for being a cover for this totally covert picture!). Look at the referee. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, when your bocce team perseveres for countless drunken battles and you claw your way into the finals you get a real live referee to complain to when the obnoxious tape measuring of your balls is not enough. I wouldn't know since we came in last place in the league last year but this year we will triumph and I will get in this guy's face and scream and kick the green dusty make up of the court and wave my hands in the air. Like Bo from this We Like Sportz rip-off. Speaking thereof who's in for a Monday night game? I think we need a fourth.