Anna Wintour will run for mayor

Over 700 clothing stores, designers, and hot dog vendors stayed open late last Thursday to celebrate Fashions Night Out, a new brainstorm from the lady who secretly runs this city, Fro Yo. Oh, sorry, I mean Anna Wintour. Most to all of these stores had free alcoholic treats for fashion-lovers and mooches such as myself. Because of the free booze and super mega sales it attracted massive crowds (see my official Fashions Night Out pic above).

According to the NY Daily Post good ol' Anna Wintour had Cynthia Rowley making jell-o shots and Oscar de la Renta singing to crowds in his own store all because she has Mayor Bloomberg by the balls. While he wanted to say "no" to this take over the city event he knew he would be run out of NYC. By me. Because I love going door to door like a 26-year-old trick-or-treater getting free booze. While waiting for the tardy twelve-term mayor Wintour was overhead saying, "“If he doesn't show, Diane [von Furstenberg] and I will run for mayor on a joint ticket and take over the city.”

If that means people getting all decked out in fashion's finest and turning all clothing stores into free champagne-flooded clubs she has NYiR's official endorsement.

In other news I'm on vacay so don't be bummed if I don't post 32534957 times this week. I'll be back next week. See you after I climb Mt. Awesome and ask the old man at the top why New York is so ridic. He'll probs be like, "Cause your blog reports it and thus it becomes reality" or some shiz.

Ian

Ladies and gentleman and more ladies I am pleased to announce that Ian has graciously joined the prestigious ranks of authors of this blog. You may recognize him from such posts as following the bouncy dolphin

and Long Island. Please join me in warmly welcoming him.

Long Island

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Long Island Wants to Secede
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Jason Jones in Iran

Big news: Long Island finally wants to succeed at something. Wait, what's that? Oh, they want to secede. Well, that's big news too.

Now I have to admit as a newbie in New York City I haven't entirely pieced together what Long Island is. I think part of it exists at Libation, part of it exists in Italian men in a super tight v-necks, and the rests exists in a land of ridicule created by New Yorkers. Is that right? According to the video above though they seem to be the dicks of NYC and want to beat up New Jersey or Ireland, whichever is closer.

I don't have many Italian man friends in super tight v-necks so in order to explore Long Island I went to Libation one night with my friend Ian (hi Ian! thanks for taking care of my dog!). We met some young ladies who admitted to being "bridge and tunnel" girls. At first I thought that was a sexual thing but since they were all 24 and married I assumed it refers to their eating habits or something.

I'll leave you with a koan: why is Long Island undesirable to live in yet a desirable location to vacation? Someone has to explain that to me. I just don't get you Long Island. Good luck on secession, assuming you exist.