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photo courtesy of nytimes.com

This guy

Thanks to Oliver for this hot tip. On Gansevoort St between Greenwich and Little W 12th Sts you may find Nathan Stodola doing, well, the above. For more information about this gent check out the Time Out NY interview.

Weekend Bulletin!

Thanks and praises be to the lovely Victoria Gerstman for writing up this weekend's bulletin of events. She is cool and you should take her advice. I often do.

Tonight, dig out your most outrageous duds and pay tribute to New York's unofficial spokeswoman at the The Flame Monster Ball at Mix in Astoria [editor's note: I know, it's Queens. Just keep an open mind for once in your life]. The clientele at Mix aren't exactly known for their restraint [editor's note: neither are you], so tonight's event should be one heck of a time whether you're a Lady Gaga enthusiast or not (do you see how I resisted saying goo goo for Gaga? Do you?)

On Friday and Saturday nights you'll have the once in a lifetime (maybe, probably not) chance to catch Ben Bailey from Cash Cab doing stand up at Comix. Wait. You don't know what Cash Cab is? Why, it is only the most important television show of our time. After Jersey Shore, that is. [last editor's note for realsies: you need to click on that link] Anyway, Ben Bailey is bound to be hilarious.



Saturday evening also brings us the 2nd Annual Cassoulet Cookoff at Jimmy's No. 43. Nothing like a fancy French version of stew to warm your winter-weary bones.

If snobby French stew doesn't quite do it for you, cut your losses and head to the Tribeca 92Y for a Muppets Take Manhattan Sing-a-long. I almost didn't want to tell you guys about this, cuz I don't want to fight the crowds. But I am nice, so here are the details.

When you're done sleeping off your Sunday morning Muppet-hangover, pop over to the NY Historical Society for everyone's favorite way to spend a day - a murder mystery! What fun!

It may be a three day weekend, but that doesn't mean you should spend the whole day on your ratty sofa, reading NYiR archives. Instead, do that, and then get yourself into Manhattan for an MLK-themed walking tour. Led by eighth graders (aww)! Meet at the Ghandi statue in Union Square at 10 am for "A Peace of the Dream: Living MLK's Dream in a Turbulent World."

NYiR throws Golden Age Halloween Party

That's right! The big announcement alluded to yesterday is that we're throwing the best and biggest Halloween jam of all time ever.

When: October 31st 9:00 PM - 3:00 AM
Where: 15 N. Oxford (between Flushing and Park Ave) Fort Greene, Brooklyn 11205

What:

• open bar all night long serving beer, wine, champagne, and vodka
  
• large awesome decked out Halloween wonderland
  
• 2 great DJs playing everything from hip hop to 80s + 90s jams and on and on
  
• costume contest
• photobooth
  
• magic by Jeff Grow (check his video!)
  
• great people and times

It's $25 if you pre-pay on the site below, $30 at the door. So bring your friends and partners and friends' partners and that cute guy with the lazy eye who you're sorta embarrassed about dating but figure he'll fit right in 'cause it's Halloween.

Bring 'em all but please RSVP because we wanna know that you're coming. Oh, and you have to be 21 or over of course there's a bar sillyhead.

Check the invite video below:

For more info on the Golden Age Halloween Party or to buy your tickets click here. All RSVPs should go to GoldenAgeParty@gmail.com. We look forward to seeing you there!

Everyone reads on the subway!

'Nuff said. Unless you love statistics in which case click here to learn allll about how the New York Times polled their readership and found out that the number one newspaper New York Times subscribers read on the subway is

(drum roll please)

...the New York Times. Ta-daaaaa

Anna Wintour will run for mayor

Over 700 clothing stores, designers, and hot dog vendors stayed open late last Thursday to celebrate Fashions Night Out, a new brainstorm from the lady who secretly runs this city, Fro Yo. Oh, sorry, I mean Anna Wintour. Most to all of these stores had free alcoholic treats for fashion-lovers and mooches such as myself. Because of the free booze and super mega sales it attracted massive crowds (see my official Fashions Night Out pic above).

According to the NY Daily Post good ol' Anna Wintour had Cynthia Rowley making jell-o shots and Oscar de la Renta singing to crowds in his own store all because she has Mayor Bloomberg by the balls. While he wanted to say "no" to this take over the city event he knew he would be run out of NYC. By me. Because I love going door to door like a 26-year-old trick-or-treater getting free booze. While waiting for the tardy twelve-term mayor Wintour was overhead saying, "“If he doesn't show, Diane [von Furstenberg] and I will run for mayor on a joint ticket and take over the city.”

If that means people getting all decked out in fashion's finest and turning all clothing stores into free champagne-flooded clubs she has NYiR's official endorsement.

In other news I'm on vacay so don't be bummed if I don't post 32534957 times this week. I'll be back next week. See you after I climb Mt. Awesome and ask the old man at the top why New York is so ridic. He'll probs be like, "Cause your blog reports it and thus it becomes reality" or some shiz.

I don't ride a fish, I ride a subway. Get it right MTA.

How many times have you been on the subway enjoying your kindle (ha, kindles, why do you exist? go away) when you happen to look up and, instead of momentarily looking at those other people around you, you're forced to see this fish?

Then you look closer and you realize it's not a fish. It can't be. Because there's people riding in it. And it's in the sky. Then you look even closer and you see it's not even just people! Look at it. Look!
Those are aliens! Then there's the lizard with that woman who's wearing a sun hat INDOORS (what's with people wearing hats indoors these days?) and that knight in shining armor who isn't even going to help that dude falling out of the back of the flying fish because he's all wrapped up in the PDA going on.

I mean WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? Is this a commentary on illegal aliens? On people not helping people? On people making out with people? I know it's not a commentary on how the subway goes underground like a fish because for some reason it's FLYING. It's called "In Flight" for Christ's sake.

Chris Gall you perplex me. Consider yourself in the running for whatever the opposite of the Gentleman and Socialite award is. We'll call it the "Dumb One Year Old Kids Curate the MTA" award.

Our bouncing dolphin friend is SO CONTROVERSIAL

Remember Nate Hill the bouncing dolphin from the good old days on this blog? We do. Because he's showing up in the news as a drug dealer. Oh Nate whatever have you gotten yourself into? And why haven't you written a caption for Mae Ryan's photo below? WHY HAVE NONE OF YOU DONE THAT YET? WHYYYYY???

The Metropolitan Museum of Fine Art hosts Lady Robots for their Along Came Polly exhibit

In our second installment in our Metropolitan Museum of Fine Art series we will take a look at the Model as Muse installation. In particular this piece which features the dresses from the movie Qui êtes-vous, Polly Maggoo? That translates from the French to mean "How much aluminum alloy can you wear and did you enjoy the film Along Came Polly?"

In the youtube clip linked to above you can see that the plot of the movie revolves around an evil genius building lady robots to attack a defenseless igloo village. Trust me that's the plot. I'm fluent in French. And by "fluent" I mean I have excellent pronounciation when I ask people if they are super excited to see Spiderman 3. They pronounce it "Speederman" there which makes Peter Parker sound Jewish and that, frankly, is delightful.

However, evil genius, I have to point out that my friend Rio had this idea a WHOLE YEAR AGO. See?
She can even fly because she built a cape onto her robot body. Rio even got a Fullbright to pursue her research in Africa. Did you get a Fullbright Mr. Evil Genius? I thought not. I. Thought. Not.

Abracadabra

Abracadabra is like entering the beyond section at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I know. I wanted to insert that Family Guy clip here too. It's not online. Sorry. Don't freak out.

Anyway you walk in and are warmly welcomed by a vomiting sound and goo emitting from this gentleman:
Charming, no?

From then on you realize this is no ordinary costume shop. This is the one place I've found in New York City where you can buy a realistic tiger mask, chest hair, and battle axe. Yes, it's a legit axe. I heard it killed two level 7 mages. You think I would buy some plastic shit? Damn you know I know my battle axes son!
Look at how scary these masks are too! I think if there was someone wearing that panda one they would automatically suck my soul out like a dementor.** So if you are looking for some fire magic or want to own a samurai sword or just have a hankering for whatever this is
then come on down to Abracadabra at 219 W. 21st St. And tell the goo emitting gentleman I said "hi" for a 10% discount!

** Essential sidenote: the new Harry Potter movie is awesome and well worth fighting off dorky kids with scarred forehead tattoos to see. My girlfriend stood outside the premiere and saw both Kelsey Grammer AND Dennis Leary. WOW! One thing to do if you get bored waiting in long lines at Harry Potter? Yell "Expeliarmus!" at that kid in the robes trying to urinate in the public restroom. Gets them everytime.

NYiR gets historical

This July 4th New York is Ridiculous declares that drastic measures be taken to facilitate our pursuit of freedom. What are we talking about? Change. A departure from your same old boring Saturday, a departure from reality, an opportunity to make a difference, to make your mark on this world and show your love for New York and your country. We're talking about a pub crawl. A time honored tradition in which one visits numerous establishments where the beer flows like wine and the antics are made legend.

In order to help you with the aforementioned activity we have noted a number of NYC establishments that seem near and dear to our historical holiday. So fellow citizens, don your tricorn hat and this July 4th let’s save America, New York City first. We'll see you there.

Your fellow patriots,
NYiR

---

Pete's Tavern: established in 1864 this is New York's oldest continuously run bar having served as a meeting place for politicians during the Prohibition.

Old Town Bar: Opened in 1892 this bar was a protected speakeasy during the Prohibition. Gentlemen: check out their giant urinals, constructed in 1910.

After leaving wave at Theodore Roosevelt's birthplace and walk by Cooper Union (most widely known for Honest Abe's Cooper Union Address against slavery) to find McSorley's Old Ale House. McSorley's was a "Men's Only" bar established in 1854 and welcomed such regulars as Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, and John Lennon. It now allows women, for better or worse.

To round out your pub crawlery we recommend our old favorite, Blue & Gold tavern. We hope you have a lovely July 4th and for you lazy louts please note that the total distance traveled throughout the day was a mere 1 mile. Enjoy and remember: friends don't let friends play with sparklers.

This guy

This guy...he was in Union Square. So...wow. Here, take a closer look:


I mean, sure, be a panda. Cool. Be unusually short. That's your thing. But why the gloves? Are your hands really that big? Can you not grip bamboo with your normal paws? Anyone have a clue as to what this guy is about? Anyone? Anyone?

The Metropolitan Museum of Fine Art and Dominican habits

Because the Metropolitan Museum of Fine Art spans three miles over New York City and is ripe for ridicule I've decided this is the first of many posts related to the fine museum. Today we will go in depth with Paul Cezanne's "Dominique Aubert, the Artist's Uncle, as a Monk."

Get this world: Cezanne couldn't find a real live monk so he calls up his uncle to play the part. Now imagine me saying this in my French accent which sounds distinctly like a Jamaican accent: Cezanne's all like, "Uncle Dominique, I'm gonna make you famous mon." Uncle Dominique gets all psyched because he knows that one day he'll be hanging in the Met. He's like, "Awesome, I'll be right over mon."

Dominique gets there and Cezanne's like, "Listen...I need you to play dress up for me." Then, according to the little plaque alongside this portrait, Dominique Aubert "posed in a Dominican habit." Dominique, have you ever even seen a Dominican before? Their habits include smoking cigars, lounging on the beach, and drinking Presidente. They do not include being all pissed off!

Why are you so bummed out anyway? Is it because you thought you were going to be famous for being you but instead had to dress up to be someone? Or is it because you're worried about your rent stabilized situation on the Upper East Side? Or is it because you're immortally stuck indoors during the Dominican Day Parade? I'm gonna go ahead and assume it's the parade. Good luck with that. I'll pour some Brugal out for you in August.