New York City is ripe with real-life superheroes. Not just one but multiple heroes. I am overwhelmed with excitement.
I am all for the noble citizens of our fair city stepping beyond their comfort level to be of benefit to their communities. But costumes and monikers? Really? No, no...really? Let's review: most of these heroes go out and feed the homeless and tell drug dealers that they need to leave their park alone (or else they'll call the cops). I admire that. I really do. But seriously, do I need to dress up like the Dark Guardian (above) to give a dollar to the Vietnam vet on my corner? No. And I'm not about to create a persona and a myspace page to let other people know I do that. I'll just tell you on this blog in a back-handed way.
The Dark Guardian often goes off into the dark and scary night to feed the homeless with his trusted partner Life by his side. Life? Ok. Dress up is fun sometimes (take note ladies of New York). But these names: you named yourself after a cereal? You have to realize you're setting yourself up to face such arch-enemies as Captain Crunch and Count Chocula. And frankly Life, my money's on them.
I have to admit I haven't seen any of these superheroes personally. Actually, maybe this one. I think I've seen him every time I'm stuck in traffic. But that seems like it's more of a hero for hire sort of thing. And that his main nemesis is that gross bug I hit while driving upstate.
My favorite of all of our local heroes is Terrifica. Terrifica roams the night protecting da ladiezzz from getting drunk and making bad decisions. Bad decisions Terrifica? Look in the mirror and let's talk about your outfit. Here's an excerpt from an interview with Terrifica:
"To feel like you have to go to a bar, to put yourself out there, feeling like you have worth only when you're married, engaged, or have a boyfriend, that's weakness," Terrifica says. "People are happiest when they're alone and living their solitary lives."
So there you have it ladies and gentlemen: if you want go grow old with cats let Terrifica save you from yourself. I do admire you, heroes and heroines of the night: it wouldn't be New York if people didn't dress outrageously and insist on letting me know what's best for me. You are what this blog was created for because, in every sense of the word, you are ridiculous. And let's face it: I'm a little jealous.