Monday, June 1, 2009

Young Orthodox Girls (YOGs)

If you live in New York you know that a few times a year you will be cruising through your day, thinking about how you like sportz and you'll be rudely interrupted by a Lubavitch Jew who will be all like, "Excuse me, are you Jewish?" Of course, that will only happen if you're a 6'7" African American Christian that does not remotely look Jewish. Because that's how they roll.

After years of going up to individuals and asking them if they are Jewish maybe these Hasidic chaps might have honed their craft a bit considering there are 6,682,139 Jews in this city. Maybe, just maybe they could spot a Jew if he walked by them and let slip an "Oy gevalt. This weather!" But no.

I live in Brooklyn and ethnically speaking I'm one of the 2,359,578 Jews roaming this borough. I'm used to older Jewish gentlemen approaching people on the street trying to identify fellow Jews and get them to temple. I'm also getting used to being ignored by them. No matter how Jewish I try to make myself look I get no attention. And I look Jewish! Now that's a big piece of cake to swallow.

And get this: the other day a fresh squad hit the streets (above). Dear 14-year-old girls, you're a bit young to be trying to find that ideal mate. Stop asking everyone except me if they're Jewish! It's like you're trying to kill two gefilte fish with one matzo ball with this whole raising awareness of the faith and your perpetual desperation. Go on Jdate like every celebrity who can't get some loving. You are so ridiculous that you have earned your own epithet: YOGs (Young Orthodox Girls). Ladies and gentlemen, you heard it here first.

But seriously, what is it Lubavitches? Is it because I look Jewish and it would be too obvious to talk to me? Am I too intimidating to you? Is it because I've been working out hardcore? Or because you're worried I might engage you in a debate? In any case I'm sick and tired of being ignored YOGs. Come hang out with me.


  1. I would say it likely has something to do with your appearance not resembling that of a doctor, lawyer, finance douche, student of such professions, or an heir to the family jewlery shop. Emphasis on jew.

  2. I hope you are Jewish or else this is wrong

  3. Yeah. Or you can convert and make these jokes all the time...



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