Happy birthday honey, here's a dead bird

The other day it was my lady's bday which made me think, "What sort of a cake do you get for someone you care about?" Some people love chocolate, others vanilla. For the heir of the man with the hair that owns Manhattan it's...a gun cake.

Oh but he's turning 12 so it's acceptable right? He's going through a phase. It's funny. Nope. Ladies and gentlemen, according to our dear friends at Gawker this vampire...

...just turned 26. Eric Trump serves as the Executive VP of Development and Acquisitions at The Trump Organization. And he loved his gun cake. And will inherit several million square feet of Manhattan realty.

My favorite part is the bloody bird.

Magnolia cupcakes are better than sex (believe me, I've almost had sex before)

Thank you for the report, blonde blair witch from the playboy mansion who sweats like a whore in church! I agree, Magnolia's cupcakes are awesome.

Made famous to me by Andy Samberg's "Lazy Sunday" I have to admit I was suspicious. I mean, this is the same guy who told me to put my dick in a box and give it to girls as a present. And we all know you get arrested for that unless you're famous.

Still, biting into one of these cupcakes for the first time is like that screaming orgasm scene in that movie we all grew up on. Y'know, Debbie Does Dallas. When she finally gets to Dallas and does him (yes, Dallas is a guy, not a city in this film you sicko). Here, you should chill out and rest in a love more pure than sex - the love of cupcakes.

Veniero's

Despite what it sounds like Veniero's is not an Italian STD clinic. It is a bakery that sells cannolis that are delicious and cost $1. Yes. $1. At this price even my new friend from Blue & Gold can afford it. I would marry canolis if I could. It would be the only wedding I would have in my whole life and my hair would be ruined!

In other news I need a vacation and so I'm going AFK (LOL!) for a while and as a result this blog may suffer. I'll post when I can but normal three times a week fanblogging will resume on the 21st. So don't freak out.

Young Orthodox Girls (YOGs)

If you live in New York you know that a few times a year you will be cruising through your day, thinking about how you like sportz and you'll be rudely interrupted by a Lubavitch Jew who will be all like, "Excuse me, are you Jewish?" Of course, that will only happen if you're a 6'7" African American Christian that does not remotely look Jewish. Because that's how they roll.

After years of going up to individuals and asking them if they are Jewish maybe these Hasidic chaps might have honed their craft a bit considering there are 6,682,139 Jews in this city. Maybe, just maybe they could spot a Jew if he walked by them and let slip an "Oy gevalt. This weather!" But no.

I live in Brooklyn and ethnically speaking I'm one of the 2,359,578 Jews roaming this borough. I'm used to older Jewish gentlemen approaching people on the street trying to identify fellow Jews and get them to temple. I'm also getting used to being ignored by them. No matter how Jewish I try to make myself look I get no attention. And I look Jewish! Now that's a big piece of cake to swallow.

And get this: the other day a fresh squad hit the streets (above). Dear 14-year-old girls, you're a bit young to be trying to find that ideal mate. Stop asking everyone except me if they're Jewish! It's like you're trying to kill two gefilte fish with one matzo ball with this whole raising awareness of the faith and your perpetual desperation. Go on Jdate like every celebrity who can't get some loving. You are so ridiculous that you have earned your own epithet: YOGs (Young Orthodox Girls). Ladies and gentlemen, you heard it here first.

But seriously, what is it Lubavitches? Is it because I look Jewish and it would be too obvious to talk to me? Am I too intimidating to you? Is it because I've been working out hardcore? Or because you're worried I might engage you in a debate? In any case I'm sick and tired of being ignored YOGs. Come hang out with me.