The Lighting District

When you tell someone you live in New York City there are two possible options:
1) They don't live in New York. In this case they say, "Oh, where abouts?" and you can say, "Brooklyn" and they will say "Ah! How quaint."
2) They live in New York. In this case they will say "Where?" and you will have to tell them the borough, neighborhood, street address, and notable restaurants that are nearby.

For example if you met someone new at a bar in Manhattan and they asked you where you lived you would say: Brooklyn. "Where abouts in Brooklyn?" Fort Greene. "Where in Fort Greene." N. Oxford. "Oh, you mean S. Oxford." No, no. N. Oxford. "What's that near?" An awesome Halloween party. Then, "Ah! How quaint. My sister lived in Fort Greene 20 years ago." Then you talk about that.

However, out of all of the many neighborhoods and sub-neighborhoods and streets and districts one can be deemed more ridiculous than all the others in New York: The Lighting District.

For those of you who are not from New York, this is not a red light district. No, this is a district devoted to lighting. Light bulbs, light fixtures, light switches, and those light paper lanterns that you see at Urban Outfitters.

It was formerly a chunk of Manhattan. Over time this whole internet shopping thing has caught on and that, matched with greedy developers trying to ruin quaint neighborhoods (see? I do it too) has led to a downturn in the lighting fixture industry's presence in the city. The lighting district is now only Bowery St. between Grand and Broome.

If you do live in New York City you may have stumbled across it as it's inches from all the bars and clubs of the Lower East Side. You may not have realized at all and, in your drunken stupor, thought the Lighthouse a nautical themed club. No, it sells chandeliers.

If you do happen to stumble across the lighting district please buy a light bulb in order to keep these places in business. Preserve historical/ridiculous New York! Or something.

BREAKING NEWS: Another ridiculous thing - a lady gave birth on the L train today. Click here for the story.

This YOB has a big announcement...

...he's gonna be a real boy soon! Devoted readers will recall our write up of Young Orthodox Girls (YOGs). Here we have a real live Young Orthodox Boy! I was on my phone when he asked me if I was Jewish (he was asking everyone. he's more desperate than a YOG) and when I replied with an affirming nod he began talking my ear off. The conversation went something like this:

Lodro leaving a voice message: Hey, I was just wondering what you're up to tonight...
YOB: Wanna do a prayer with me?
Lodro: ...I'm on my way to the gym and...
YOB: Hey! It only takes ten seconds!
Lodro: ...I think after I'll be pretty hungry so I was thinking...
YOB: I'm gonna walk with you. Then when you're done we can do it together!
Lodro: ...that maybe we could do Chinese, or Japanese, or something...
YOB now climbing on my back and hitting me with the lulav: I can't wait to get you more Jewish!

That's basically how it went. I left a long voicemail, he had the attention span of a 12 1/2 year old boy, and then he found a SloBitch to harrass instead (pictured above mistaking the lulav for corn and asking if it's organic/from the Park Slope Coop).

Anyway, the real boy comment is not the actual announcement. The real announcement from NYiR will be released tomorrow. It's big. Real big. So lose sleep wondering over it ok? Thanks!

Yes, I get it yellow taxi. You're flaming.

Wow. Thanks to Andrew Sneider at 617in212.com for this exclusive footage of a taxi cab exploding into flames in Midtown. Our good friend Ming works down the hall from Andrew and told us alllll about it.

Apparently the driver of this cab got out and went for a walk to clear his head, feed the pigeons, whatevs. Just casually strolled off. The thing is the hood of the cab was already smoking. The best part? He parked right in front of this fancy restaurant with outdoor seating. All these people enjoying their $17 BLTs got front row seats as sparks then flames shot out from under the hood. Meanwhile tour buses are going by, other cabs are taking fares, no one thinks twice about this exploding vehicle. Except for Ming and Andrew's co-worker who provides this sage wisdom: " I would never want my house to be on fire." Really? Never? Never ever? Don't knock it 'till you try it sister.

Finally the firemen show up and it's over in 2 secs. Or, as my girlfriend's friend would say, a HOT MINUTE.

This is why I would never live/hang out in Midtown. This and those finance douches who do live/hang out there.

Longest Line Ever for Marionette Show

Special thanks to our guest blogger David Perrin for so beautifully capturing this event:

Recently I spotted a really long line in Central Park. I'm used to standing on long lines for clubs and restaurants and Trader Joe's. But this line got me really excited because it led right up to the Swedish Cottage.

The Cottage has the oldest Marionette Theatre in America (that I could find). It was originally built as Sweden's exhibit for the 1876 Centiennial Expo in Philly, after which Fred Olmsted (hot urban designer that he was) moved it here to CP to function as a bathroom and cafeteria. The Marionette Theatre seats a capacity of 100 (three-yr old sized humans) so I'm not sure how the 5,614 people camped out on this this footpath were all going to get in. Rumor has it that a gaggle of 12 year olds were drugged by their parents and dragged here to sleep overnight on the sidewalk to be among the lucky ticket holders for Peter Pan the next morning.


I was somewhat perplexed by the current fascination in woody Peter and his stringy friends since the current production has been going since last October. The few drowsy line-waiters that I polled told me that waiting on this line is something every interesting NY'er should do before they move on to Minneapolis or Santa Fe.

Notice in this picture the ironic flute player serenading the woozy marionette fans. When I asked the Park Ranger about his beat he said he was supposed to be convincing people that Anne Hathaway was more interesting in 12th Night than Wendy Darling ever would be. As you can tell he was having no luck, not even when he tried an impromptu reading from the 12th Night script, because no one on line would even look at him.

Turns out that everyone was disappointed this particular day because the actor playing Peter went awol, snipped his strings and disappeared from his sleeping quarters. The note he left read, "I'm going to see the real Neverland that Michael built because it will soon be as overrun and as spoiled as Graceland. Besides I need to do more character research on kids who don't want to grow up - I'm beginning to sound a bit like Daniel Radcliffe in my role (yuck). And the Lost Boys are really pissing me off. I need a break. Back before Saturday. Signed, big Peter."

Young Orthodox Girls (YOGs)

If you live in New York you know that a few times a year you will be cruising through your day, thinking about how you like sportz and you'll be rudely interrupted by a Lubavitch Jew who will be all like, "Excuse me, are you Jewish?" Of course, that will only happen if you're a 6'7" African American Christian that does not remotely look Jewish. Because that's how they roll.

After years of going up to individuals and asking them if they are Jewish maybe these Hasidic chaps might have honed their craft a bit considering there are 6,682,139 Jews in this city. Maybe, just maybe they could spot a Jew if he walked by them and let slip an "Oy gevalt. This weather!" But no.

I live in Brooklyn and ethnically speaking I'm one of the 2,359,578 Jews roaming this borough. I'm used to older Jewish gentlemen approaching people on the street trying to identify fellow Jews and get them to temple. I'm also getting used to being ignored by them. No matter how Jewish I try to make myself look I get no attention. And I look Jewish! Now that's a big piece of cake to swallow.

And get this: the other day a fresh squad hit the streets (above). Dear 14-year-old girls, you're a bit young to be trying to find that ideal mate. Stop asking everyone except me if they're Jewish! It's like you're trying to kill two gefilte fish with one matzo ball with this whole raising awareness of the faith and your perpetual desperation. Go on Jdate like every celebrity who can't get some loving. You are so ridiculous that you have earned your own epithet: YOGs (Young Orthodox Girls). Ladies and gentlemen, you heard it here first.

But seriously, what is it Lubavitches? Is it because I look Jewish and it would be too obvious to talk to me? Am I too intimidating to you? Is it because I've been working out hardcore? Or because you're worried I might engage you in a debate? In any case I'm sick and tired of being ignored YOGs. Come hang out with me.