Macy's in December

In keeping with the spirit of this holiday season New York is Ridiculous would be remiss in not mentioning the wonder that is Macy's in December. Take a look at the view above. Click on the picture. But in a new window. Don't close us! Go on, click. Wondrous isn't it? You walk in the door and can't help but have Christmas cheer shoved down your throat. What's that? Oh, nevermind. You just can't help but get shoved.

Jean-Paul Sartre once said, "Hell is other people...at Macy's." It's true. Macy's pays off all the major media companies to leave that second part out. But our investigative journalism/coat shopping team discovered this:This is a line. A line for what? The escalator. Not even to check out. To get upstairs. Sometimes that Sartre guy is just right. He should run for mayor of this town after Bloomberg's 12th term. I'd definitely vote for him. Unless I was busy that day. In which case I'd probably forget and go to Macy's to buy a new coat.

Win the lotto, get a neck ache

Starting with Rent, many Broadway shows have taken to offering discount tickets through a student rush, lottery, or will offer some standing room only option (for a full list of shows that feature these options click here).

While it's all nice and good to plan to see a Broadway show most cost upwards of $100 per ticket. Hence the real excitement for many New Yorkers is trying to win the $25 lottery seats. You show up a bit early to the show, fill out a form with your name and how many tickets you want. Then, at the end of a half hour or so, they pull out however many names they have tickets for. The anticipation to see if you win a seat is about 359485 times more exciting than anything you might see on Broadway these days.

We were the first names picked (LUCKY) for Next to Normal which receives three out of four NYiR Landmarks (new rating system). The funny thing is that after winning magical tickets we got the first and supposedly best seats left, right in the front row. The picture above was taken from these seats and I bet you crane your neck just to look at it.

I hear this is pretty typical for Student Rush and lottery. Cons: neck ache. Pros: the amount of actor spit you get to take home as a souvenir. Plus the rush that comes with wondering if something might fall off the stage and into your lap. Like an actor.

The Jane has two weeks before ADHD NYC moves on

People don't call other people in New York City. They text. And I have 32423542 text messages from people saying "Do u want 2 go 2 the Jane 2nite? It will b kewl." God I hate those text messages, unless they are ironic in which case they are hilarious.

Anyway I guess The Ballroom at the Jane Hotel is where all the same people who ran The Beatrice Inn into the ground now go. I liked the Beatrice until it closed, even though they wouldn't let me dance on table tops. Apparently I'm not Lindsay Lohan. I did not know that before. I did not know.

In early July I was at a party and this guy was all like, "Let's go to Jane St" like everyone and their mom knew about the Jane. Even though it opened three weeks earlier. So we went because supposedly it's the hippest joint in all da land. And because ALLLL the celebs go there. And because it's been described as "the type of living room where the Royal Tenenbaums would host their family reunion" and who doesn't love family reunions?

You know what? It's okay. Just okay. Yes "the Jane," you have two floors and a DJ but your drinks are expensive and everyone there is trying too damn hard. You're the type of place where everyone is talking to someone but looking over their shoulder looking for someone better to talk to. All you have going for you is that you are a big open space and decent bouncers who make sure that only 10% of that space gets occupied. So maybe you're not okay. In fact, you make me sick Jane St.

But not for long. Because you know what? We New Yorkers have ADHD when it comes to places like you. You are just another club in a far off location that people will get drunk and go to in the hopes of it being awesome but just like every New Year's Eve in the history of time they will leave anti-climaxed, disappointed, throw up at home and wake up thinking that they must have had an awesome time. That works on us New Yorkers once, the Jane. Twice tops. Ok, maybe five times. But that's it.

I give you two months.

Also, for those of you who are thinking "Oh, a nice hotel! I should stay there and have cocktails at their ballroom and maybe see Ed Westwick" I invite you to view this video. Apparently they blare a haunted house tape throughout their hallways. SCARY...

Abracadabra

Abracadabra is like entering the beyond section at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I know. I wanted to insert that Family Guy clip here too. It's not online. Sorry. Don't freak out.

Anyway you walk in and are warmly welcomed by a vomiting sound and goo emitting from this gentleman:
Charming, no?

From then on you realize this is no ordinary costume shop. This is the one place I've found in New York City where you can buy a realistic tiger mask, chest hair, and battle axe. Yes, it's a legit axe. I heard it killed two level 7 mages. You think I would buy some plastic shit? Damn you know I know my battle axes son!
Look at how scary these masks are too! I think if there was someone wearing that panda one they would automatically suck my soul out like a dementor.** So if you are looking for some fire magic or want to own a samurai sword or just have a hankering for whatever this is
then come on down to Abracadabra at 219 W. 21st St. And tell the goo emitting gentleman I said "hi" for a 10% discount!

** Essential sidenote: the new Harry Potter movie is awesome and well worth fighting off dorky kids with scarred forehead tattoos to see. My girlfriend stood outside the premiere and saw both Kelsey Grammer AND Dennis Leary. WOW! One thing to do if you get bored waiting in long lines at Harry Potter? Yell "Expeliarmus!" at that kid in the robes trying to urinate in the public restroom. Gets them everytime.

Longest Line Ever for Marionette Show

Special thanks to our guest blogger David Perrin for so beautifully capturing this event:

Recently I spotted a really long line in Central Park. I'm used to standing on long lines for clubs and restaurants and Trader Joe's. But this line got me really excited because it led right up to the Swedish Cottage.

The Cottage has the oldest Marionette Theatre in America (that I could find). It was originally built as Sweden's exhibit for the 1876 Centiennial Expo in Philly, after which Fred Olmsted (hot urban designer that he was) moved it here to CP to function as a bathroom and cafeteria. The Marionette Theatre seats a capacity of 100 (three-yr old sized humans) so I'm not sure how the 5,614 people camped out on this this footpath were all going to get in. Rumor has it that a gaggle of 12 year olds were drugged by their parents and dragged here to sleep overnight on the sidewalk to be among the lucky ticket holders for Peter Pan the next morning.


I was somewhat perplexed by the current fascination in woody Peter and his stringy friends since the current production has been going since last October. The few drowsy line-waiters that I polled told me that waiting on this line is something every interesting NY'er should do before they move on to Minneapolis or Santa Fe.

Notice in this picture the ironic flute player serenading the woozy marionette fans. When I asked the Park Ranger about his beat he said he was supposed to be convincing people that Anne Hathaway was more interesting in 12th Night than Wendy Darling ever would be. As you can tell he was having no luck, not even when he tried an impromptu reading from the 12th Night script, because no one on line would even look at him.

Turns out that everyone was disappointed this particular day because the actor playing Peter went awol, snipped his strings and disappeared from his sleeping quarters. The note he left read, "I'm going to see the real Neverland that Michael built because it will soon be as overrun and as spoiled as Graceland. Besides I need to do more character research on kids who don't want to grow up - I'm beginning to sound a bit like Daniel Radcliffe in my role (yuck). And the Lost Boys are really pissing me off. I need a break. Back before Saturday. Signed, big Peter."