Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Jane has two weeks before ADHD NYC moves on

People don't call other people in New York City. They text. And I have 32423542 text messages from people saying "Do u want 2 go 2 the Jane 2nite? It will b kewl." God I hate those text messages, unless they are ironic in which case they are hilarious.

Anyway I guess The Ballroom at the Jane Hotel is where all the same people who ran The Beatrice Inn into the ground now go. I liked the Beatrice until it closed, even though they wouldn't let me dance on table tops. Apparently I'm not Lindsay Lohan. I did not know that before. I did not know.

In early July I was at a party and this guy was all like, "Let's go to Jane St" like everyone and their mom knew about the Jane. Even though it opened three weeks earlier. So we went because supposedly it's the hippest joint in all da land. And because ALLLL the celebs go there. And because it's been described as "the type of living room where the Royal Tenenbaums would host their family reunion" and who doesn't love family reunions?

You know what? It's okay. Just okay. Yes "the Jane," you have two floors and a DJ but your drinks are expensive and everyone there is trying too damn hard. You're the type of place where everyone is talking to someone but looking over their shoulder looking for someone better to talk to. All you have going for you is that you are a big open space and decent bouncers who make sure that only 10% of that space gets occupied. So maybe you're not okay. In fact, you make me sick Jane St.

But not for long. Because you know what? We New Yorkers have ADHD when it comes to places like you. You are just another club in a far off location that people will get drunk and go to in the hopes of it being awesome but just like every New Year's Eve in the history of time they will leave anti-climaxed, disappointed, throw up at home and wake up thinking that they must have had an awesome time. That works on us New Yorkers once, the Jane. Twice tops. Ok, maybe five times. But that's it.

I give you two months.

Also, for those of you who are thinking "Oh, a nice hotel! I should stay there and have cocktails at their ballroom and maybe see Ed Westwick" I invite you to view this video. Apparently they blare a haunted house tape throughout their hallways. SCARY...

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