The Lighting District

When you tell someone you live in New York City there are two possible options:
1) They don't live in New York. In this case they say, "Oh, where abouts?" and you can say, "Brooklyn" and they will say "Ah! How quaint."
2) They live in New York. In this case they will say "Where?" and you will have to tell them the borough, neighborhood, street address, and notable restaurants that are nearby.

For example if you met someone new at a bar in Manhattan and they asked you where you lived you would say: Brooklyn. "Where abouts in Brooklyn?" Fort Greene. "Where in Fort Greene." N. Oxford. "Oh, you mean S. Oxford." No, no. N. Oxford. "What's that near?" An awesome Halloween party. Then, "Ah! How quaint. My sister lived in Fort Greene 20 years ago." Then you talk about that.

However, out of all of the many neighborhoods and sub-neighborhoods and streets and districts one can be deemed more ridiculous than all the others in New York: The Lighting District.

For those of you who are not from New York, this is not a red light district. No, this is a district devoted to lighting. Light bulbs, light fixtures, light switches, and those light paper lanterns that you see at Urban Outfitters.

It was formerly a chunk of Manhattan. Over time this whole internet shopping thing has caught on and that, matched with greedy developers trying to ruin quaint neighborhoods (see? I do it too) has led to a downturn in the lighting fixture industry's presence in the city. The lighting district is now only Bowery St. between Grand and Broome.

If you do live in New York City you may have stumbled across it as it's inches from all the bars and clubs of the Lower East Side. You may not have realized at all and, in your drunken stupor, thought the Lighthouse a nautical themed club. No, it sells chandeliers.

If you do happen to stumble across the lighting district please buy a light bulb in order to keep these places in business. Preserve historical/ridiculous New York! Or something.

BREAKING NEWS: Another ridiculous thing - a lady gave birth on the L train today. Click here for the story.

Gallery shows

If you move to New York City and have a friend or the capacity to make a friend you will undoubtedly be invited to an art gallery show within your first week. You might get all excited. You might say, "Yeah! This is why I moved to this city. To be in the hub of culture and art!" And you, my friend, are in for a treat.

Here are some things I have learned in my short time in New York City:

1) The art community does not need to eat or sleep. They just live off of Charlie Shaw wine.
2) Don't ask what the theme of the show will be. You will never understand.
3) If it is a photo exhibit the work reflects the effect globalization has had on migrant workers in Alaska. Yet somehow each photo was shot at Coney Island or Central Park...
4) ...unless the artist owns a backpack in which case avoid the room that has seats in it because there will be a slide show.
5) Do not be surprised if you leave the gallery saying, "Maybe I should do some art. I could do some cool stuff like that!" Everyone else left and thought the same thing. Yet after going to one of these shows a week you become glad you never acted on the impulse.

With all of that said some gallery shows can be fun and once in a blue moon you find a piece that actually moves you. Like the in-depth commentary about underwear above. I think it was done by Japanese tourists though.