Happy birthday honey, here's a dead bird

The other day it was my lady's bday which made me think, "What sort of a cake do you get for someone you care about?" Some people love chocolate, others vanilla. For the heir of the man with the hair that owns Manhattan it's...a gun cake.

Oh but he's turning 12 so it's acceptable right? He's going through a phase. It's funny. Nope. Ladies and gentlemen, according to our dear friends at Gawker this vampire...

...just turned 26. Eric Trump serves as the Executive VP of Development and Acquisitions at The Trump Organization. And he loved his gun cake. And will inherit several million square feet of Manhattan realty.

My favorite part is the bloody bird.

NYC Prep kids f*ck anything that moves, soccer balls get lucky

Look at how cute and young they are! Nothing against the Gossip Girl cast but these kids from the reality TV show NYC Prep are ACTUALLY 15-17! Not 3,124 (Ed Westwick). I like that they tried to get an Ed Westwick/Chuck character here though (third from right). Look at how badass he is. He wears scarves. And is moody. And, like Ed Westwick, he may or may not be gay (NSFW LMAO U QT PI!).

Also, while the cast of Gossip Girl may sleep with one another before falling into exhaustive cuddling and drama these tweens just f*ck anything that moves. There's one scene where Sebastian (second from the left) and Taylor (far right) are taking a walk in the snow and kicking a soccer ball. Taylor, age 15, gets sorta confused and you worry for a second that she might start making out with the soccer ball just because it's more active than the douche she's walking with.

If you want to watch one episode to try NYC Prep out go for number 3 where Chamille (third from the left) is on a date with some random dude she doesn't like and keeps telling him he's annoying then gets in a cab to blow him on the way back to his place. Seriously. I still would be fine hanging out with Leighton Mouseters of Gossip Girl but if I ever see someone from NYC Prep I'm covering myself in saran wrap and checking into the nearest STD clinic. But enough about me. Check the video below for a funny introduction to these kids.

The Box

The Box looks pretty classy right? It is if you define classy as an odd mix of $17 cocktails, burlesque, and cocaine. Which I do. On Gossip Girl it's owned by this guy which automatically makes it cool. But still, The Box is ridiculous! Here is a fun quiz to illustrate:

Which one of these things have I NOT seen at The Box:
A) A transexual picking up a bottle with her ass
B) Two women wearing Bert and Ernie heads making love to one another with a double-sided dildo
C) Ed Westwick

I hope you picked all of the above because that is true. Yes the pretend Box owner visits the real Box and I'm visiting the Box because I pretended to be someone famous in order to drink $17 drinks. Once again, a sign that art imitates life imitating me.

It is a very fun place to go though. The shows are wild and all but if you're in a more intimate mood swing a right at the top of the stairs and you'll find yourself in a curtained room that features your very own stripper pole. Did you know that those poles rotate? That's how all those neat lil tricks get done.

Here's a video from the Box that'll make you either 100% sure that you want to go or want it to close down immediately. My apologies for the bad link before - the previously linked to video was taken down because of "infringement" which probably means it was infringing on people's sensibilities. This one is much more tasteful.

Gossip Girl

Ok I will admit it did not take much coaxing from my girlfriend to start watching this show. The ridiculous thing about it though is that while it's all nice and good to enjoy seeing teenagers get drunk and sleep around and stab each other in the back (VANESSA) the real joy comes from the fact that the whole thing takes place on the Upper East Side.

These rich teens hang out at The Box and go to Socialista and have lunch on the steps of the Metropolitan. So that's fun. Because I do those things too.

And get this: the real life cast members do those things as well. Talk about art imitating life imitating silly television shows imitating me! This means I (and other people I know) have run into the cast a trabillion times.

Never the right ones at the right time though. I think the only one I really wanna meet is Leighton Mouseters. No relation to this douchebag. That would be more like art imitating lameness incarnate imitating this dog. Or this one (j/k V! call u l8r).

Here's some do's and don't's for all you romantics out there, learned from the show.