Models eat at Delicatessen, get foot rubs. I eat at delicatessen, get Tings.

Mark Amadei and Andrew Glassberg,

The Metropolitan Museum of Fine Art hosts Lady Robots for their Along Came Polly exhibit

In our second installment in our Metropolitan Museum of Fine Art series we will take a look at the Model as Muse installation. In particular this piece which features the dresses from the movie Qui êtes-vous, Polly Maggoo? That translates from the French to mean "How much aluminum alloy can you wear and did you enjoy the film Along Came Polly?"

In the youtube clip linked to above you can see that the plot of the movie revolves around an evil genius building lady robots to attack a defenseless igloo village. Trust me that's the plot. I'm fluent in French. And by "fluent" I mean I have excellent pronounciation when I ask people if they are super excited to see Spiderman 3. They pronounce it "Speederman" there which makes Peter Parker sound Jewish and that, frankly, is delightful.

However, evil genius, I have to point out that my friend Rio had this idea a WHOLE YEAR AGO. See?
She can even fly because she built a cape onto her robot body. Rio even got a Fullbright to pursue her research in Africa. Did you get a Fullbright Mr. Evil Genius? I thought not. I. Thought. Not.

Congratulations on being born stupid baby

New York is Ridiculous would like to congratulate guest blogger Dave Perrin and his wife Anne Keenan on making a baby. Little newyorkisridiculous.blogspot.com (actual kid's name) was born last Thursday a full eight pounds and very healthy. So congrats to Dave and Anne and as for you baby well...I imagine the first thing you did after exiting your mother's womb is look at my rant about babies. So you know how I feel about you. You know.

Heathers has bear parts all up in your face

Sometimes when you live in New York City you meet up with a friend and say "There must be a good bar around here somewhere right?" and you wander and then you come to a frost-glass windowed establishment with a small sign with someone's name on it and you think, "Ah, this must be a bar" and half the time you walk into an apartment building.

Well, not with Heathers! Heathers is a real bar. Not someone's apartment building. Even though it's got the frost-glass and small sign and stuff. It's on 13th St between avenues A and B. What else does it have going for it? Well let's head to the bar. There's the $5 beer, the fact that there are gluten free beer options for all you glutenous nerds out there, and what's that there? Ah, they serve absinthe. Lovely.

Now let's check out the scene. Hipster, hipster, suit, hipster, co-existing peacefully, and...wait. What's that in the back? It's staring straight at me, baring deep into my soul. It's a bear. But it's not looking at me with it's eyes it's staring at me with its..........vagina. I want to look away but I can't. It's so big and so in my face that I will just sit here on my retro bar stool and stare at a bear's vagina until my friend tells me it's time to go.

So if you like small out of the way dive bars where hipsters and young professionals co-exist and a bear's vagina will put you in a trance then welcome home. You sicko.

Weekend snapshot

Comedian Joe Pera accepts his Gentleman & Socialite award from NYiR enthusiast Laura Sinkman.

Hipster or Homeless (.com?)

According to the NY Daily News the hipsters are invading Williamsburg! Oh, wait. The homeless? Is it homeless people? But I thought they were uber-thin, wore vintage outfits and did heroin? Oh. The homeless can do that too?

Well this is going to be confusing! One homeless gentleman said, "The girls here like it that I'm dirty and I ride trains." I bet they do! In fact I bet Williamsburg is becoming heaven for homeless men in their twenties.

All of this makes me recall our post of old about lookatthisfuckinghipster.com. Maybe it's time we had a williamsburghipsterorhomeless.com? Those two blogs would end up going to war with each other over who gets to use which pic. (and yes I know that there is a lame version of hipsterorhomeless.com. but it's lame and has lame pictures that are neither hipster or homeless and clearly no one is taking that isht too seriously)

For anyone who is still confused about the difference between a homeless person and a hipster here is an educational video for you.

photo courtesy of NY Daily News

Abracadabra

Abracadabra is like entering the beyond section at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I know. I wanted to insert that Family Guy clip here too. It's not online. Sorry. Don't freak out.

Anyway you walk in and are warmly welcomed by a vomiting sound and goo emitting from this gentleman:
Charming, no?

From then on you realize this is no ordinary costume shop. This is the one place I've found in New York City where you can buy a realistic tiger mask, chest hair, and battle axe. Yes, it's a legit axe. I heard it killed two level 7 mages. You think I would buy some plastic shit? Damn you know I know my battle axes son!
Look at how scary these masks are too! I think if there was someone wearing that panda one they would automatically suck my soul out like a dementor.** So if you are looking for some fire magic or want to own a samurai sword or just have a hankering for whatever this is
then come on down to Abracadabra at 219 W. 21st St. And tell the goo emitting gentleman I said "hi" for a 10% discount!

** Essential sidenote: the new Harry Potter movie is awesome and well worth fighting off dorky kids with scarred forehead tattoos to see. My girlfriend stood outside the premiere and saw both Kelsey Grammer AND Dennis Leary. WOW! One thing to do if you get bored waiting in long lines at Harry Potter? Yell "Expeliarmus!" at that kid in the robes trying to urinate in the public restroom. Gets them everytime.

Food for $1.00

Call me old but I remember the day when lots of things only cost $1.00. Food, comics, strippers, you name it. $1.00. Not anymore. If you live in cities like Boston or Los Angeles or New Jersey you cannot get anything for a dollar these days.

Say what you will about New York City being ridiculously expensive and how high rent is or how expensive strippers are here. If you want to eat food and only have Abraham Lincoln in your pocket you can live like a king.

Note the $1.00 slice above. That's cool. But expected. Pizza can generally get away with being cheap. Now here's a good one on St. Marks:

Yep. A full falafel for a buck. And it's yummy. Then there's all the cheap hot dog stands where you can get a hot dog for a $1 and a soda for another. And pretzels! Those giant awesome pretzels are only $1 sometimes.

Plus there's that coffee that comes in the "We are happy to serve you" cups which you can get for a dollar anywhere unless you think yourself clever and want to own your own mug like that for $12 (follow the link hipster king).

In fact, I would go so far as to say that you can live off of $1.00 food that you buy off street vendors. I may even try it for a week. Maybe. Probably not. It's still cool though. I like hot dogs.

NYU girls make art via deadly dating games

Special thanks to our guest blogger David Perrin for this expose on dating habits and art in Greenwich Village:

Warning: do not read on if you like looking at college girls/art

The other day I was shocked and offended while eavesdropping on an NYU girl's cellphone conversation. I learned that summer-school teens have unleashed their wiles on unsuspecting twenty and thirty-something men all over lower Manhattan leading to sexual bloodshed and mayhem.

These girls lure unsuspecting guys past NYU Security and to their rooms where they get naked. As the guy nervously struggles out of his Calvins they stab him, flay his dermis and mount him. Meaning they spike his head on a stick.
The heads are then displayed on Broadway for the entire NYU community to enjoy. Whoever gets the most head by the end of the semester wins.
Many you will be upset to look at this picture directly above. Yes, that is Ian on the floor, and Lodro lying next two him. Their two heads rolled on the same night. Except they didn't even get sticked. The girls found their intestines more interesting. I don't know who the other guy is. Does anybody recognize him?

See the mayhem/art yourself on Broadway and E. 10th St.

Farrell's Bar & Grill

As the great sage peter d said of Farrell's, "This is not a first date bar. You're better off going with the crowd of mouth-breathing cretins you call friends." A fine way to think of the local cops and firemen that frequent this establishment peter d! Cheese whiz, have some respect. Speaking of respect is the term firemen sexist these days? Should I say firepeople? I will just call them stewardesses.

Farrell's is best known for its 32 ounce styrofoam cups filled with Budweiser (pictured above, clearly as big as my friends' faces). You can obtain such a cup yourself for $5. If you are a math genius or just clicked the link posted before then you will realize that after $20 and four rounds you will have drank a gallon of beer. A gallon! Can't finish that last cup? Ask them to put a lid on it and take it to go. Gotta love take out in New York City.

Farrell's is also known for its total lack of female patrons. It was a male only bar until the 1970s but this woman put the kibosh on that. Still, I think good old Shirley was the last woman in this place.

If you love drinking copious amounts of beer while feeling restrained because there's cops everywhere and hate looking at women then go to Farrell's Bar & Grill. Just don't ask for a food menu. Despite their name they don't serve food. Really.

Celebrating two months of glory

Wow. Has it really been two whole months of New York is Ridiculous? It's about time we review some of the best and worst posts and update you on how things have ended up:

The Box has begun having summer Wednesdays where they put a layer of sand over their entire club for one night a week. That seems ridiculous right? We will let you know what that's like.

Meanwhile we discovered in our favorite local haunt Blue & Gold a picture from Fleet Weeks of old that we had to share:That sailor sure does look happy to be swinging with his doxie! Speaking of hot dance moves that are making a come back I think we can all agree that this is indeed the summer of Michael Jackson which means that as predicted the moonwalk is the official summer dance. Raise your hand if you've seen it so much that you've automatically learned it. Anyone else? Just me? Ok. Still the official summer dance though.

Here's some other fun summer things to do if you can't lift up one knee while moving the other leg backwards in a smooth motion: Joe Pera is BLOWING UP! It's probably because of the honor done to him by this blog but he's got three (3!) shows coming up.

One is called Skits n Tits and also has burlesque and a free PBR bar (July 8th), another two days later involves roosters or cock fights or something and the last is on the 13th at Teneleven Bar and is called "The Name Doesn't Matter Comedy Show." He promises if you don't like the show that he'll take you out for ice cream sundays after. Win mother-f-ing win. And a big shout out to Joe's parents who aren't a fan of the internet but will probably still send his post to his Nana. Who will try to magnet her computer to her fridge so everyone can see it. I love Nanas.

Last but not least we have discovered where all the real-life superheroes get their gear - the Superhero Supply Store. Yes. This place exists. Look:
Not only can you get outfitted (see pic at the top of this post) but you can also pick up your X-ray spray, your portable force-field, and all sorts of great power-inducing formulas:
I myself bought the shape-shifting formula for only $7.50 and look SO MUCH COOLER now.

I hope you've enjoyed the last two months of this blog almost as much as we have. If so, consider making a formal commitment and become a fan of us on facebook, subscribe (to the right) or better yet tell a few friends. Yeah. Do that last one. Let's share the joy and laughter that is New York is Ridiculous for a long long time to come. Maybe even two more months.

NYiR gets historical

This July 4th New York is Ridiculous declares that drastic measures be taken to facilitate our pursuit of freedom. What are we talking about? Change. A departure from your same old boring Saturday, a departure from reality, an opportunity to make a difference, to make your mark on this world and show your love for New York and your country. We're talking about a pub crawl. A time honored tradition in which one visits numerous establishments where the beer flows like wine and the antics are made legend.

In order to help you with the aforementioned activity we have noted a number of NYC establishments that seem near and dear to our historical holiday. So fellow citizens, don your tricorn hat and this July 4th let’s save America, New York City first. We'll see you there.

Your fellow patriots,
NYiR

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Pete's Tavern: established in 1864 this is New York's oldest continuously run bar having served as a meeting place for politicians during the Prohibition.

Old Town Bar: Opened in 1892 this bar was a protected speakeasy during the Prohibition. Gentlemen: check out their giant urinals, constructed in 1910.

After leaving wave at Theodore Roosevelt's birthplace and walk by Cooper Union (most widely known for Honest Abe's Cooper Union Address against slavery) to find McSorley's Old Ale House. McSorley's was a "Men's Only" bar established in 1854 and welcomed such regulars as Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, and John Lennon. It now allows women, for better or worse.

To round out your pub crawlery we recommend our old favorite, Blue & Gold tavern. We hope you have a lovely July 4th and for you lazy louts please note that the total distance traveled throughout the day was a mere 1 mile. Enjoy and remember: friends don't let friends play with sparklers.

Longest Line Ever for Marionette Show

Special thanks to our guest blogger David Perrin for so beautifully capturing this event:

Recently I spotted a really long line in Central Park. I'm used to standing on long lines for clubs and restaurants and Trader Joe's. But this line got me really excited because it led right up to the Swedish Cottage.

The Cottage has the oldest Marionette Theatre in America (that I could find). It was originally built as Sweden's exhibit for the 1876 Centiennial Expo in Philly, after which Fred Olmsted (hot urban designer that he was) moved it here to CP to function as a bathroom and cafeteria. The Marionette Theatre seats a capacity of 100 (three-yr old sized humans) so I'm not sure how the 5,614 people camped out on this this footpath were all going to get in. Rumor has it that a gaggle of 12 year olds were drugged by their parents and dragged here to sleep overnight on the sidewalk to be among the lucky ticket holders for Peter Pan the next morning.


I was somewhat perplexed by the current fascination in woody Peter and his stringy friends since the current production has been going since last October. The few drowsy line-waiters that I polled told me that waiting on this line is something every interesting NY'er should do before they move on to Minneapolis or Santa Fe.

Notice in this picture the ironic flute player serenading the woozy marionette fans. When I asked the Park Ranger about his beat he said he was supposed to be convincing people that Anne Hathaway was more interesting in 12th Night than Wendy Darling ever would be. As you can tell he was having no luck, not even when he tried an impromptu reading from the 12th Night script, because no one on line would even look at him.

Turns out that everyone was disappointed this particular day because the actor playing Peter went awol, snipped his strings and disappeared from his sleeping quarters. The note he left read, "I'm going to see the real Neverland that Michael built because it will soon be as overrun and as spoiled as Graceland. Besides I need to do more character research on kids who don't want to grow up - I'm beginning to sound a bit like Daniel Radcliffe in my role (yuck). And the Lost Boys are really pissing me off. I need a break. Back before Saturday. Signed, big Peter."

Subway graffiti

Poor Tori Spelling. It's hard enough that she has to make a living off of how boring her life is but now every time she's in New York City she will have to suffer through the unique art of subway graffiti. Let's take this poster. Looks pretty normal right? Mom, Dad, two kids, all chilling like douchebags. But let's take a closer look:

Now how the artist knows that this guy who I presume is Tori Spelling's latest husband, is a champion at boners? Or that Tori Spelling can give head? The artist must have done a tremendous amount of research to have such insights!

Or maybe he just saw her latest tattoo and got a hint of her interests? Well thank you for this in-depth perspective on the modern-day Hollywood nuclear family Mr. or Ms. Subway Artist. I am sure Tori will feel very at home next time she visits. And that her kid's first sentence will be "dada is...a boner champ."

My apologies to those who are not used to such graphic imagery (ie non-New Yorkers). I am going to make it a rule that only crude images that are already publicly displayed will be shown on this blog. Unless my mom calls me and tells me this is gross and has to come down (hi Mom! how's Florida?).

Personally speaking I abhor this type of public art which attempts to make me think. I'm much more into direct messages like this one spotted at Hugs in Williamsburg on Saturday:

He sure does.