The Return of the Spelling

Die hard fans like yourself may recall that close to a year ago we reported on Tori Spelling's posters being defaced in subway tunnels around the city.

Well good news NYC! Tori Spelling's back with a new show and new graffiti art to match. We found this piece of art in the Carroll St F train stop.


The above gives you the basic flavor of Tori's new look. Obviously that adorable baby from before has grown up and is a total pothead:
Some of you may say, "That's despicable! He's only a child!" Hold on there Daffy Duck. Check out the pic without the blunt:

That kid looks high as f*ck. Which marketing genius thought this was a flattering photo? The kid is clearly tripping balls and thinks he's got the family maid and butler on marionette strings. I mean, what else could he possibly be doing with that gesture? Speaking of gestures, what's up with Mr. Tori Spelling?
Why would you ever pose like that? Is he ACTING? Is he doing a bollywood dance? Is he changing an imaginary light bulb? Listen Mr. Tori Spelling, you pose like that in NYC you're basically asking for this to happen:


Just like last time you remain the boner champ.

Last but not least I have to point out that Tori's head-giving abilities as espoused by the previous poster must have caught up with her because now she is a devilish and domestic sex symbol that even the dog wants to get with.

Wait, what? Her kid's a druggie and her husband fondles balls but she for some reason knows how to cook (note the serving fork), is dressed like a sexy devil and is all of a sudden attractive to other beings? Hmm...no...it couldn't be.

My god. It is. NYiR late-breaking story: Tori Spelling is the artist.

NYU girls make art via deadly dating games

Special thanks to our guest blogger David Perrin for this expose on dating habits and art in Greenwich Village:

Warning: do not read on if you like looking at college girls/art

The other day I was shocked and offended while eavesdropping on an NYU girl's cellphone conversation. I learned that summer-school teens have unleashed their wiles on unsuspecting twenty and thirty-something men all over lower Manhattan leading to sexual bloodshed and mayhem.

These girls lure unsuspecting guys past NYU Security and to their rooms where they get naked. As the guy nervously struggles out of his Calvins they stab him, flay his dermis and mount him. Meaning they spike his head on a stick.
The heads are then displayed on Broadway for the entire NYU community to enjoy. Whoever gets the most head by the end of the semester wins.
Many you will be upset to look at this picture directly above. Yes, that is Ian on the floor, and Lodro lying next two him. Their two heads rolled on the same night. Except they didn't even get sticked. The girls found their intestines more interesting. I don't know who the other guy is. Does anybody recognize him?

See the mayhem/art yourself on Broadway and E. 10th St.

Subway graffiti

Poor Tori Spelling. It's hard enough that she has to make a living off of how boring her life is but now every time she's in New York City she will have to suffer through the unique art of subway graffiti. Let's take this poster. Looks pretty normal right? Mom, Dad, two kids, all chilling like douchebags. But let's take a closer look:

Now how the artist knows that this guy who I presume is Tori Spelling's latest husband, is a champion at boners? Or that Tori Spelling can give head? The artist must have done a tremendous amount of research to have such insights!

Or maybe he just saw her latest tattoo and got a hint of her interests? Well thank you for this in-depth perspective on the modern-day Hollywood nuclear family Mr. or Ms. Subway Artist. I am sure Tori will feel very at home next time she visits. And that her kid's first sentence will be "dada is...a boner champ."

My apologies to those who are not used to such graphic imagery (ie non-New Yorkers). I am going to make it a rule that only crude images that are already publicly displayed will be shown on this blog. Unless my mom calls me and tells me this is gross and has to come down (hi Mom! how's Florida?).

Personally speaking I abhor this type of public art which attempts to make me think. I'm much more into direct messages like this one spotted at Hugs in Williamsburg on Saturday:

He sure does.