The Brooklyn Kitchen has a series of classes coming up. One of them focuses on cooking with a date. No, you don't cook a dessert together. Nope, it's not a nice meal. Give up? On February 6 at 6:00PM you and a date will be taken through how to cut up a half a pig.
Can you imagine flirting with some guy back and forth on match.com and you meet up for a drink and when you ask where he's taking you to dinner he says, "Actually, we're gonna cut us up some bacon." Then he takes you to the Brooklyn Kitchen and you two go all cleaver-fever on Babe from Kingston, NY. It's like every girl's dream come true.
I mean, fine, host a class on how to slaughter an animal. Do it semi-frequently. That's your biz. But trying to sell it as a date night? Wow.
Thanks and praises be to the lovely Victoria Gerstman for writing up this weekend's bulletin of events. She is cool and you should take her advice. I often do.
Tonight, dig out your most outrageous duds and pay tribute to New York's unofficial spokeswoman at the The Flame Monster Ball at Mix in Astoria [editor's note: I know, it's Queens. Just keep an open mind for once in your life]. The clientele at Mix aren't exactly known for their restraint [editor's note: neither are you], so tonight's event should be one heck of a time whether you're a Lady Gaga enthusiast or not (do you see how I resisted saying goo goo for Gaga? Do you?)
On Friday and Saturday nights you'll have the once in a lifetime (maybe, probably not) chance to catch Ben Bailey from Cash Cab doing stand up at Comix. Wait. You don't know what Cash Cab is? Why, it is only the most important television show of our time. After Jersey Shore, that is. [last editor's note for realsies: you need to click on that link] Anyway, Ben Bailey is bound to be hilarious.
If snobby French stew doesn't quite do it for you, cut your losses and head to the Tribeca 92Y for a Muppets Take Manhattan Sing-a-long. I almost didn't want to tell you guys about this, cuz I don't want to fight the crowds. But I am nice, so here are the details.
When you're done sleeping off your Sunday morning Muppet-hangover, pop over to the NY Historical Society for everyone's favorite way to spend a day - a murder mystery! What fun!
It may be a three day weekend, but that doesn't mean you should spend the whole day on your ratty sofa, reading NYiR archives. Instead, do that, and then get yourself into Manhattan for an MLK-themed walking tour. Led by eighth graders (aww)! Meet at the Ghandi statue in Union Square at 10 am for "A Peace of the Dream: Living MLK's Dream in a Turbulent World."
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the results of the No Pants! Subway Ride courtesy of Gawker (what? we're feeling lazy and sometimes they're funny). Click here for the story. Improv Everywhere estimates that over 3000 NYC residents participated.
We would be remiss to not mention that there was a rally hosted by a group who were Pro Pants on Sunday as well. The Pro Pants group mission is to "inform pantsless subway riders about the joys and advantages of pants and to persuade them to accept pants into their lives." Last year Pro Pants representatives issued 200 questionnaires, distributed over 400 pamphlets, and gave away more than 20 pairs of pants.
Tonight go to Ellis Bar at 627 5th Ave in BeeKay (Brooklyn) for their 1 cent beers. Yes. 1 penny. I bet you wish you were stingier with the local homeless now huh? Well don't be Scrooge because it only lasts from 9-9:30 and then 11-11:30. Go for the beer, stay for the karaoke.
Made a new year resolution to bring out the inner child in you? Really? You did? Oh. I woulda said, "Clean up around the house more" but whatevs. Anyway, head to the corner of Broad St and Wall St Saturday at 2 pm for a chaos-inducing game of freeze tag.
Then head over to the Gershwin Theater for Michael Alan's Draw-a-thon (the pic from above gives you some insight into what you're drawing). Having hosted these for four years now Michael Alan has decided to kick off 2010 with an "Artistic Revolution" based on the French Revolution where artists such as yourself (come'on you can draw!) show up to sketch models posing as the Virgin, the Aristocrat-Prostitute, the Bather, the Absinthe-Poisoned Mask Maker, the Drunken Rebel-Rouser, the Raffle Girl, and the Nude Visionary. You had me at model. Then lost me at Virgin. Then had me at Prostitute and Nude.
The other day it was my lady's bday which made me think, "What sort of a cake do you get for someone you care about?" Some people love chocolate, others vanilla. For the heir of the man with the hair that owns Manhattan it's...a gun cake.
Oh but he's turning 12 so it's acceptable right? He's going through a phase. It's funny. Nope. Ladies and gentlemen, according to our dear friends at Gawker this vampire...
...just turned 26. Eric Trump serves as the Executive VP of Development and Acquisitions at The Trump Organization. And he loved his gun cake. And will inherit several million square feet of Manhattan realty.
Guess who contacted us yesterday? Did you guess Playboy? I thought you would. Now did you guess that they want me to pose for them? No? Why not? That's a bit insulting. I guess they only ask women to pose. It's okay then. We're okay.
Remember when we told you all about Dick Chicken? Well Playboy has just released the first-ever appearance of this graffiti genius on film so you, dear NYiR readers, can be the first to see him. Check out the video above. You're welcome and if you need us, we'll be chilling by the pool at the mansion with our new bunny friends.
Ah. Once in a blue moon we get a hot tip on something that reminds us just how ridiculous New York can be. Remember how we told you that it's perfectly legal to be topless in NYC? Well now it's time to go bottomless. This Sunday you are invited to participate in Improv Everywhere's 9th annual No Pants! Subway Ride. Check the video above, go buy some new undies, and we'll see you on the train.
With the days so short many NYC men are looking for someone to keep them warm during the long winter nights. Gawker has come out with a list of girls to avoid dating during this holiday season. Before you ask out your favorite bartender/sex blogger/Kirsten Dunst take a look at their list. Or at least the first half, which is the funny one.
Ah. It's Complicated. Another chance for us to like Alec Baldwin. He's likable, right? Not according to our second installment of subway graffiti art, courtesy of one fair rider of the F train. Feel free to check out this in-depth analysis of a long-forgotten voicemail anytime you are at the 23rd St F train subway stop.
Okay, let's call a spade a spade. New Jersey is sorta a part of New York City. I mean, it's just as much a suburb as Westchester, only dirtier and no one actually wants to live there. How many times have you run into a friend at a party in Manhattan and you ask what's new and after exhausting every topic under the sun they mutter, "Oh yeah, I moved last week." Where? "New Jersey." Then they launch into a diatribe about how it's not that far and it's just as close a commute as Brooklyn and how you wouldn't believe the space you can get for the money. It's just sad really.
However, there is a bright side. Since New Jersey is sorta part of New York City we can lay claim to the best show since Six Feet Under. Just kidding, that show got pretentious. I digress. The best NYC-based show of 2009 is... (drum roll please) a three way tie between Gossip Girl, NYC Prep, and Jersey Shore. And 30 Rock. I forgot 30 Rock.
The Jersey Shore is a brand new Real World-esque MTV show that takes eight self-professed guidos and guidettes and puts them in a house together on the Jersey shore. They work selling t-shirts to pay rent and drink and work out and show off their abs and then go home and eat ham.
For example, take a look at JWoww (yes, she calls herself JWoww):
And now, for an introduction to the cast of the best thing to happen to Jersey since Springstein:
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