Now showing at a theater near you

Last month we warned you. Now it's here. We have taken off and are hiding in our secret bunkers from the 39422395870 posters, commercials, and subway ads sounding the arrival of the four archangels of apocalypse. These shoe shopping movie characters are now everywhere amongst us and it is only a matter of time before wanna-bes flock to our city and martinis are being sipped on every single upscale outdoor restaurant patio.

Just to encourage you out-of-towners to come sip your martinis in the city of lore here's a chance to win a trip for two to NYC to meet the Sex in the City 2 stylist for a VIP consult and new wardrobe. How Carrie!

Guess who has a new subway hero?

We do! How exciting! And this time he ran off into the night like Batman, not even sticking around to let us see who he is and spend all summer praising him. Full article on Gawker.

Oh yeah, this naked exhibit is still going on...

“I waited eight hours and the dumb bitch in front of me sat with her until MoMA closed!

I just wanted to cry. I just wanted to cry in front of Marina Abramovic.”

Thanks for reminding me, rosadelauroisafuckinghipster.tumblr.com, or I would have forgotten to tell everyone that Marina Abramović: The Artist Is Present is in its last week at MoMA.

I recommend starting out by watching people sit there across the table while Marina doesn't even have the good manners to say "Hello." Yeah. She sits at a table and anyone can just walk up, sit down across from her, and demand an autograph. She won't do it though. Here's a live video feed so you can watch her totally blow off her fans.

When you're bored of watching someone sit still all day long calling it performance art go check out all the naked people reliving her glory days when she would actually do stuff like lie naked on top of a skeleton. Def worth the admission fee.

For you LOST fans out there...

We all know the bad news: the beloved TV show LOST ends next week. After the series finale five million fans will exclaim, "THAT'S IT? THAT'S IT?!?" and go on a Frankensteinesque rampage through our cities, ending civilization as we know it.

Before that happens you might be interested in checking out the Vilcek Foundation's LOST exhibit. It opens today and celebrates the artists and filmmakers behind LOST. The primary focus seems to be the images and biographies of 20 immigrant and first-generation contributors to the hit television show, including Executive Producer Carlton Cuse, writer Melinda Hsu Taylor, actor Jorge Garcia (Hurley), and cinematographer John Bartley.

Yeah. I know. All five seasons I've been wondering what made Melinda Hsu Taylor tick too. In my opinion, the real draw of the exhibit is the abundance of original props from the show. For a preview of what they're featuring check out this short video. The Vilcek Foundation is located at 167 East 73rd St.

Things are getting worse...

It was just two weeks ago that we were reporting on the subway etiquette posters that then sparked violation reports. Now the city has been taken over with blame. Victim Number 1, as usual: the Hipsters.

hipster image courtesy of latfh.com

Steal me!

Borough President Scott Stringer says "Only YOU can prevent ATM theft." When questioned further about his underworld dealings with fellow drug dealer Avon Barksdale, Stringer scratched his head and repeated himself.

Speaking as someone who usually identifies whether he's visited a restaurant or not by the graffiti on the neighboring outside ATM I have to say that I am appalled to hear that these ridiculously expensive contraptions are being pulled from sidewalks all over the city. That's right, instead of endangering the innocents who try to pull out $80 for a round of Patron from a shady ATM, a group of thieves are avoiding the human element altogether and just stealing the machines altogether. That's smarts for you. For the full story click here.

picture courtesy of nydailynews.com

I know what I'm hungry for...

Thanks to Vinny "The Bunny" Balducci for this excellent shot of his favorite ice cream truck in NYC.

It's coming...

...and by it we mean they and by they we mean the massive amounts of sailors that will pour into our city. That's right gang, May 26th - June 2nd is FLEET WEEK!!!

Protect your heads ladies. As soon as those caps hit your noggin you are claimed.

NYC Pet Show

The first-ever NYC Pet Show, at the 30,000 square-foot Metropolitan Pavilion, promises to be a treat. A treat for anyone who loves meeting weird pet owners. The NYC Pet Show website boasts "an interactive experience comprised of activities, meet & greets, seminars and panel discussions." Who have they lined up for the meet & greet? Former dog beauty contest winners? The man who invented the KONG toy? Will the panel discussions focus on the important "cat vs dog" debate? Or just cover the "will your dog play fetch with any old ball" controversy that always happens at these conferences? I CAN'T WAIT TO KNOW.

Flirting can get expensive

A hot tip was sent our way that apparently there is a law in New York State that a fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. So watch out big guy hitting on my girlfriend at the bar or I will take you outside. And write you a ticket.

photo courtesy of angelfire.com/indie/boredinclass/